Stories From The Shadow Zone

Alaina before the Play - Bren

    “Alaina, why do you want this? Like really, is this what you want?” Alaina was awake at two in the morning asking herself questions, unable to sleep. She never felt like her life was truly her own.  Her strict parents seemed to control her life from the shadows, a secret puppet in a way. Alaina has two dads. She jokingly calls them dad one and dad two, Dad one was a policeman, and the other one is a lawyer. She had to get good grades even from the start of school, her dads almost forcing her to get good grades. Wanting her prepared for the future, they would talk in depth. In kindergarten she could not get lower than a B, the presser a constant weight on her shoulders. Maybe that is why she became good friends with Jack, and why she can not leave the friendship. He taught her Something school couldn’t “popularity”.Even from a young age Jack was popular, while Alaina was a nobody. She would constantly get praise from the teachers, but she did not care about that. Everyone was Jack's friend, While she didn’t have anyone, well until one day, halfway through the second grade, Jack walked up to Alaina and said, “You are that smart girl, right” This was her first conversation, she froze, she had the words, but she couldn’t say them. If she did not take this chance she would regret it forever, “I am” she spoke. All of that stress, all of that pressure faded, It was just a conversation. “What was I so worried about?” She thought to herself in bed. “He only needed help with the math homework,” she laughed to herself. Jack went to her ever since, no matter what happens Jack knew he could depend on Alaina. Alaina thought of him as her first friend. The first one to give her a chance. 

    As the years went by She continued to get perfect grades, she couldn’t risk disappointing her parents. She did not have a social life, or any life. Alaina would do work all class, even after the teacher finished the lessons, even working ahead. “I remember having to ask higher classmen for help because I was so ahead of my classmates.” I don't even remember a lot of my elementary years. “Looking back, I should have had more fun. Jack had fun.”  

    In middle school I got more into school, I tried to push Jack away, My parents thought he was a bad influence. Now I can see that, but back then I felt so bad, he was always there for me. My parents thought he was using me. Saying he was using me for grades, It was more than that, he was my friend. It was not hard to separate myself, by this time he already found Mitsy. She was a nice girl but she was not very smart, But she was pretty and I knew why Jack liked her. I could still tell when Jack has a test soon, because he would text me and as to come over. My parents did not like Jack, but was still proud of me for helping students, even if the student in question was a boy.”Yeah, the fact that Jack was a guy really made My dad mad.” Alaina laughed to herself. She must have been thinking about Jack and middle school for hours. Just in the dark daydreaming. 

Near the end of Middle school she met Tess, They had English together. Alaina didn’t have to try, she read all of the books in her free time and already knew everything the teacher said, but Tess seemed lost, her mind seemed to wonder, but she was kind maybe that is why she liked Tess so much, she had so much character. She always had something to say. Alaina found someone worth talking with. Tess also liked to read, but not the same kinds of stories, she liked fiction books, stories with heroes and villains and plays she really liked plays. She read, not to learn, but to smile. She enjoyed life. Alaina and Tess became good friends. Tess would go to Alaina’s house and they would hang out, not like tutoring Jack. Alaina had fun. Tess had musicals and plays. They had fun. They were really close friends. “What happened between us?” Alaina thought. “Maybe it was the incident.”

“The incident” I could never forget it, It hurts to think about. Tess and I were best friends. We had just enough differences to be close, but to also have a new topic to talk about. She was my best friend, but one day I looked at her differently. This person that I have been friends with for years, I suddenly feel differently about. My stomach got butterflies, I felt sick. I did not know what was happening. I texted the one person I could trust. I could not tell Tess, so I texted Jack, I told him how I was feeling, but  I did not say it was for Tess, but somehow I think he knew. Jack said I had a crush. I panicked. I do not like girls, I didn’t like girls. This was the first time in life I did not have an answer to a question. I did not tell Tess. She came over like usual and we still hung out, but something was different. Sometimes I wonder, “If I told her, would she have felt the same?” Now as a junior my life feels weird. I have high grades, but I do not have many friends. I have acquaintances of course. Raven and Alex from my advanced English class, but I don't really know them. Tess texts me occasionally but I feel like our friendship has passed. Jack still wants the answers to his math tests, but he seems to use me more than see me as a friend. “I should have taken chances, I should have had fun.”

“Hey, Alaina. Go to sleep, You have school tomorrow!” Dad one said, I am guessing he just got home from work. “We don’t want you falling asleep in class.” Dad two yelled from across the house. I probably should get some sleep, Jack invited me to a campfire and it is tonight, maybe Jack just wants to chat, It has been a while. I think I will go to sleep for now.