My Dom or My Mate?

Chapter 20

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Chapter 20

Yay or Nay

The moment of my life I never thought would come.

I never imagined.

I could never comprehend such an important, life changing question.

I sit there and stare into the faces of my mates, I sit there and question their motives.

I wonder whether they're doing this because they love me or because its expected of them.

Do they love me?

Do they want to spend their lives with me?

Am I ready for the commitment of a marriage?

A marriage to not one but two men!

Do I love them?

Do I want them forever?

For better or worse?

Can I imagine a life with them?

It without them?

Can I imagine sharing my bed with them every night until the day I die?

In all honesty I can't imagine a life without either of them.

I can't imagine raising my boys without them by my side.

I can't imagine another man holding me apart from these two wonderful souls.

My men.

My mates.

My wolves.

"Yes!" I whisper, and realise tears are now streaming down my cheeks, "yes yes a million times yes!"

I watch in a daze as Dean and Holden go into their jacket pockets and produce two ring boxes.

One blue velvet, one smooth red silk.

With a click, they are both opened.

I gasp in amazement at the stunning engagement rings before me.

Dean holds a white gold band with at least 10 diamonds scattered across it in a gorgeous design.

Holden has triple band; white gold, yellow gold and silver entwined in each other with sapphires, rubies and diamonds scattered in a stunning disarray.

Stunning. Both of them.

I hold out my left hand gingerly as one by one, they place their ring on my finger, kissing it before letting it go.

"Oh wow.." I breathe as I look down at my ring finger, taking in the beauty set before me.

~*~

We are wandering alone the river bank, the moon shining brightly along with a thousand sparkling stars. A beautiful sight.

Two stars shine more brightly than the rest.

I take a seat on the grass with my fiancées, and stare up at the sky.

"Hi momma.. Hi pappee. I miss you so much. I wish you were here so I could tell you my news. I'm engaged! I've got two baby boys on the way.. And I'm happy!

I'm sorry I wasn't happy when I was younger; it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I didn't let myself get close to you.

When Uncle Dunc died in that car crash, I couldn't let myself bond with anybody. You know how much I loved him.. How close we were. It shocked me. I was scared I'd lose you too. And I did! You both died! You left me.

It hurt more than anything I ever went through.. But I forced myself to keep going. I kept my wall up when I should've let myself mourn.

I'm sorry I didn't mourn.

I'm sorry I didn't cry.

Everything I went through I blamed on you when we all knew it was my fault, not yours.

I'm sorry I blamed you.

I held my pain and forced it on you for so long. I broke your hearts time and time again.

Please please forgive me.

I need you to forgive me.

Momma.. I pushed you away when you tried to comfort me. I told you I hated you, that I didn't love you. That was horrid of me!

I'm sorry that you had to lose your brother, and then get rejected by your only child.

I didn't think about how you were feeling. I was selfish and narrow minded. I'm sorry momma.

Pappee.. I was the only disappointment in your whole life. You made that clear. But now, thinking about the way I behaved, I can understand why.

I was rude, selfish, arrogant and opinionated. I broke your heart, and took your baby girl away and turned her into somebody you didn't know.

You watched me sleep around, and take a shot of attention from anybody accept you.

I was horrible pappee. I treated you like a doormat and a punching bag.

I can't believe you put up with my shit, and stood there trying time after time. Begging me to let you in when I would scream at you and cry about how bad you were as parents.

I didn't mean it!

I promise I didn't!

I love you.

I will always love you.

Pappee, your little girl is still here; she's just grown up,

I hope I've turned out the way you hoped.

I'm happy pappee. I'm happy!

For the first time in my life!

Please please forgive me and let me move on.

I need closure.. If I don't have it I'm gonna be stuck in my past forever.

You're always in my thoughts.

I cry over the way I treated you nearly everyday.

I can't keep doing that anymore; I need to protect my children and be honest with my mates.

Most of all, I need to be honest and start respecting and trusting myself.

Can you let me do that?

Please?" I whisper, and look down at my feet, taking a deep cleansing breath, I feel the wind blow through my hair. It feels soothing like someone playing with my hair.

"Thank you." I whisper, "thank you!"

Tears stream down my face as I finally give in to my guilt and my pain towards my parents.

I feel my mates wrap themselves around me, and I close my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Holden murmurs softly in my ear.

I shrug, "it's my baggage.. I didn't want to push it on your shoulders."

Dean sighs, "typical Lizzie eh?"

I nod, "yup."

We arrive back at the pack house late that night, snuggled up in bed and I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

I am feeling happy.. Safe and secure.. And just perfect.

I am engaged!

30 VOTES FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!