Most of the Time

Chapter 1

It was the first week the summer after high school graduation and I was determined to make it as uncomfortable and spontaneous as it could get. My chill and currently medically critical lifestyle do not permit the unknown and self- exploration that I, at the moment, crave. I would describe myself as the epitome of chill. I wasn't always this way as my parents can concur, I had anger issues. It was a long and somehow effortless road to my laid-back nature, but somewhere between the age of 14-16 I thankfully made the switch. And though I do go with the flow, I am cautious. Mainly because I have to be, for my life depends on it. Before I began this quest of exploration, I had to go to the hospital for my weekly checkup. I keep telling Nurse Angie that I'm okay, but I don't think she believes me. She changes my wound dressing and refills my three prescriptions that I take every so often to "keep me going'' as she says. I wish I was more convincing when I tell her I'm fine, but she knows that I am lying, and I know it too.

After the checkup, I check in with Lily to see if she's free to do something. I don't know why I ask when I know she always is. She picks me up from the hospital and we head out to find something but have no idea what we are looking for. We decided to stop for some gas. I wiped my nose just in case it was bleeding and got out of the car to fill it up.

"What are you doing Em?" Lilly asks

"What do you mean? I'm pumping the gas."

"Okay, but I'm the healthy driver here, you're the sick passenger"

She gets out of the car and takes the gas pump from my hands. I would put up a fight, but I let her because she knows way too much about me and she's my best friend.

"What are we going to do?'' I asked Lilly from the comfort of the passenger seat hoping she would have an answer that would make the first week of our summer vacation start off right

"Let's go to the beach." I say before she gets a chance to answer. I've never been to the beach because my parents are overprotective and according to them it's full of people that are doing goodness knows what playing in water full of God knows how many germs. But this summer is going to be full of firsts because maybe that's what I need to do to find myself. I decide to text my mom to tell her of my plans. I keep my mom in the loop to avoid complications. She worries about me a lot, I understand why. I text, Hey Mommy, I'm going to the beach with Lily okay? I phrase it as such seemingly asking for permission while at the same time telling her what I'm going to do to. I'm eighteen and can make my own decisions, but at the same time I want her to feel included. She responds back minutes later; Okay Emy stay safe.

After an hour car ride, we arrive at the beach and the first thing we do is find a spot to get some sun. My dressings are pretty thin and the drainage tube on my side permits the activity. Lots of people were around us, some I even recognized and a few from our graduating class. Lily, already bored, says "You know, we actually have to be social to have some fun" turning her head over to face me. She turns her head back to the group of people, some from school, playing volleyball. I didn't talk to many people from High School because I knew they couldn't handle me like Lily could. And I didn't want to be asked any questions. I don't like questions.

I gave in and followed Lily's lead to the group playing volleyball. In the group I spotted Justin. I immediately tried to resort back until I felt the grasp of Lily's arm on mine. "If I knew he was here I wouldn't have come over" I quickly whispered in Lily's ear. She quickly responded saying "Uncomfortable summer, right?" accompanied by a smug grin. Lily is the outgoing social half that I am not. So, she has no problem jumping into the game and greeting our classmates that, I have a feeling, she knew well.