Most of the Time

Chapter 13

It was not supposed to be this complicated. We were supposed to be friends this summer, as we have been throughout high school. I didn't respond to the things he said about me. The things he loved but I think the smile I held on my face said it all.

We continued with our date: talking, reminiscing. He forced me to take my pills in between sandwiches. We asked each other questions. I asked him what he thought about seeing my open flesh, I asked him if he felt sorry for me. He asked me how much pain I was in and for specifics about the accident.

We talked through the entire evening, without pause. I see why he brought the candles, smart. I've always known who Justin was. He is the guy that you can't imagine would ever want to date you. He is somehow always around and never around at the same time. He's an open book at first glance but if you really look at him you can tell he's holding something back so if you wanna know what it is, you have to dig. He's a nerd. He always dresses like he is on his way to football practice but shockingly less so right now. But today he learned more about me. I don't talk about myself often, but I did today.

The car ride home was quiet, as it should be. We were in each other's company and that was enough. When we made it to my house, I wasn't sure if I should get out of the car immediately or wait a while. I decided to wait a while. Justin cut the silence "That was the best first date I have ever had"

"That was the best first date I have ever had too" I repeat, knowing he knew it was my first and only date, unless you count dates with Lily.

I got out of the car. He offered to help me to the door, but I was okay on my own. I look back at him in his car to see his face one last time before I opened the door.

It was almost 11pm so the house was silent. I saw both my mom and dad's car outside, so I tiptoe up the stairs as fast as I could to the privacy of my room. I was still on the high of today. I laid in bed unsure of what the next moves were. What should I do now as someone who goes on dates, I ask myself. I pull out my phone to prepare a lengthy paragraph to send Lily. I realize I have not checked my phone all day. I blame it on the pills, they make me forgetful. As I type, a text notification from an unknown number flashes at the top of the screen.

'One last question, how do I stop smiling...?'

I realized its Justin and I somehow forgot to save his number. I take a couple seconds to think of a reply 'Maybe try to stop thinking about me'

Two minutes later he replies 'I can't'

'How do I get this smile off my face?' I ask

'Stop thinking about me'

'I can't' I reply

'Perfect'

I shook my head in awe of his smoothness as well as mine. I feel asleep thinking about it.

I remembered I forgot to text Lily last night when I open my phone to 6 texts from her and a text draft waiting. I laid there typing. Lily hates my paragraphs. She prefers to be sent back to back texts because she swears it's easier to read that way but I type too slow and she would respond before I got a chance to say everything I had to say. Then I would have to answer questions while finishing up my story. This can all be avoided in one long paragraph.

I tell her all about the date. What we did, what we talked about. I felt stupid sending a text about a fake date. But the conversations were real, the smiles and laughs were real. Lily quickly texts back; 'I'm coming over later.' There is no way she read my entire paragraph that fast, I tell myself.

I had no plans today, which I did not mind. I love being at home and having nothing important to do. Even in summers during high school I felt like there was always something important I had to do. Whether that was studying for the SAT's, researching colleges and future career paths, working to save up for college. But I had none of those thoughts now. College was far from my mind.