The Train To Nowhere

chapter 22 - whirlwinds

I lay on my bed, completely absorbed in the music. My headphones were blasting Heroes by David Bowie through my ears, which Rosie had made my favourite song. Every time I heard it, I thought of that time from when we were fourteen. It was sometime in June, but the first day we'd ever bunked off school. We felt so mischievous at the time, and since we were the only two who were doing it, we hadn't told our parents and used Rosie and her dad's annual passes for a day at Thorpe Park. It was exhilarating and thrill-seeking and rebellious and cool all at once. And a plus side was that it was a weekday, so the queues were at longest a fifteen minute wait. The park was practically empty compared to when I'd gone there on weekdays and it felt like we had the rides and park to ourselves. I'd loved every moment of it, and on the bus journey home Rosie played me the song for the first time through her earphones. All I can describe about that moment, is that it was the first time I truly felt alive. That might sound corny, but it was so true. The moment was real and the kind where you just have to savour the present with all your might, because you know sooner or later it'll all be a beautiful memory.

So Heroes may now be my favourite song ever, let alone by David Bowie. It gives me chills almost as soon as it starts and the guitars kick in and that incredible melody that loops throughout makes me feel so warm and invincible, like I'm young and anything is possible. I'd never heard it and thought about Rosie in a romantic way in the past, but now she was the meaning behind all the words.

        "HELLO?!" Ahmed yelled up close as I jerked with shock and removed my headphones. "Abel, you know we have to be going right now?"

The song was just fading out as I stared at him and squinted as the midday sun poured through the windows. Ahmed sighed with hopelessness.

        "God, you really are depressed, aren't you?" I ignored his irritating but accurate remark, and began packing up my things briskly. We'd been doing more tourist exploring over the course of the morning, but now we were going to make our way back to the train for our next trip. The weekend was over and I hadn't spoken much the whole time. Noah was worried for me. Ahmed was worried for me. All my friends were, because I was usually so much more extroverted than this. But in some ways they knew there was only so much they could do.

But they would never understand the pain I felt during the holidays. And the worst part of it was, it wasn't the 'ouch' kind of pain. It was an emotional pain. A heartbreak that led to a period of depression where I just felt numb and insignificant, and hated myself and life. I barely cried. Or if I was, it wasn't a sobbing kind, where you let it all out and then feel a little better afterwards. It was the kind where a tear slips down your cheek and you haven't even noticed it, and the world becomes unnoticeable. I was only just starting to escape from that dark, dark hell. The hell where nights and days blended into nothingness and they just passed by.

        "Leave me alone," I murmured.

        "No. We have to go," said Ahmed irritatingly.

        "Fine," I sighed. I packed up my things reluctantly and left our room clean and empty.

When we got back on the train, our next stop would be Madrid. It was from there that the train would then run down the south coast of Europe and eventually reach Italy. This journey would of course be much longer though, so we would be sleeping on the train at some points.

        "You know what's weird?" Noah said curiously as he stared out the shiny glass windows of the train. The skyline of Paris was slowly fading into the horizon as the train sped on. "This train has a direct route to all the places we want to go. No changing trains, no detours. Nope! Just straight to Madrid. Isn't that weird?"

        "I guess it is," Isaac responded from his seat opposite. "But how do you mean?"

        "I mean that there's no disruptions to our journey, which is odd. The cool thing about the trip is that we can go on a train through Europe instead of plane to plane, right?" I looked at Noah to show I was listening and Isaac nodded. "But this track must have taken ages to build, if it's smooth and fairly straight and goes everywhere we want to go. All across Europe."