All cats are grey in the dark

Chapter 13

When they arrive back at the tower, Steve's arm around El's waist, worry burns in the eyes of everyone in the living area but Loki seems to be the worst. As soon as he sees her he runs to her as if to embrace her, yet doesn't.

"Are you okay?" He asks, settling for grasping her arms. Steve gives them a moment, strolling over to the group of worried heroes to explain.

"I'm... doing alright, Loki, I panicked. I ran. I promise, I'll explain later but for now Just be normal, please?"

He holds onto her for a moment, a look of deep contemplation on his face, then he lets go of her arms and wraps his arms around her, "I'm sorry." She breathes deep in his pine needle scent, relishing the feeling of his silky hair on her face, before answering.

"It's fine."

He lets go and heads back to his seat, allowing Eldrid to be questioned by the others. After about five minutes of pointless questioning, she shouts "Hey, hello, I will not be answering and individual questions, I will only say this. For my whole life, I have gone through phases where I fell into deep moments of incredible sadness, this was just one of those. I took myself to an environment that I know and I rode it out. It would have been pointless to stay here because that episode would have lasted longer. I'm fine. Please stop worrying,"

Tony's the first to reply to that outburst. He walks over to the kitchen counter, flicks the kettle on, makes her a cup of tea and sets it down in front of her. "Eldrid we're here for you, never forget that." And then they disperse, all heading off in their own directions until only Nat, Loki and Eldrid remain in the living area.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to do some training but if you're not in the mood that's fine."

She thinks about it for a moment. On the one hand, she doesn't really feel like training but on the other hand, she doesn't want to explain to Loki about all of this yet. So she says yes.

Once back in their room, she pulls on the green sports leggings and matching brazier, that she bought on her trip with Natasha, along with the black trainers then she flips her head upside down and pulls her into a 'ponytail' before heading out the door. She waves goodby to Loki as she goes "You have free reign of the tower, I'll be back in around an hour."

He looks as if he's about to say something but she leaves him, mouth agape, the words caught in his throat.

Loki's POV

I cannot understand what I could possibly have done. I took her for a lovely picnic on the roof, we chatted for hours, I carried her back and readied her for bed in the most gentlemanly fashion and, in the morning, I was smiley and lovely and we play-fought. 

Then everything went sour. 

She dropped me with Natasha, changed and then disappeared for six hours straight. I hadn't a clue where she was but everyone left at the tower thought I had done something. As if I could possibly do anything to her. 

They trust me not, those Avengers. They still think me to be the man who tried to take over New York despite me explaining that I was under mind control at the time. They don't believe me. I don't care if they don't believe me. Yes, they might be sour and distant but having El by my side made things so much easier to deal with. Yet, that might not be possible anymore, I might have royally messed things up.

Eldrid's POV

"So," Natasha begins as we stretch at the end of our training session "Why did you go AWOL?"

"I told you, I have episodes where I can't talk to anyone, can't see reason, can't be in the company of people because I just freak out. I just took some time out." I answer as I pull my leg above my head.

"Has this always happened?"

"Since my family died."

She pauses for a moment. "Have you ever, possibly, considered that this might be... depression?"

"No?"

"It's just, these times that you're talking about sound a lot like depressive episodes. Just, how long do they normally last?"

I bring my leg down to the ground and slump down against the wall. "Normally a couple of weeks, with slightly better spells interspersed within those two weeks."

She lowers herself next to me and says, in a low voice, "El, I think that is depression. It's pretty normal here, to have depression I mean. it's not a bad thing, not shunned and you can get help for it. Obviously, I'm not a doctor so you should go and see Bruce, get him to have a look, but we can get you anti-depressants and therapy or you can just talk to us. Either way, you need some help. It's not fair that you've been living like this."

And, with that, the care in Nat's voice sets me off. Tears come gushing down my cheeks as I lean my head back against the wall. All of the pain that I had set aside because it's not right for Odin's ward to bee seen as weak comes rushing back. It's like wave after wave after wave of emotion, keeping my head just under the surface until I have to come up for air but I simply cannot.

She holds me as I break, letting me get all of the pain out and just being there. She doesn't talk, doesn't spout pointless unfounded hope, she just holds me.

Word count: 960
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