That Lucky Jerk (On Hold)

Chapter 10: Musical Bandits and Violent Introductions

"Oooooh~ Pull their teeth, stick'em in gut, make'em feel pain then end it with a cut! Find some more, take what they got. Let'em join the others and leave'em all to rot! Burn all the houses, leave'em dead in a ditch, pack up our bags and lets walk away rich! Whooooaaa! Whoo-"

"Stop it!" Fiva cried while covering her ears with her hands while the apple girl sat in the back of the wagons shivering. "Not only are you tone deaf, but you've been singing nothing but terrible songs all day!"

"Hey, these are the songs that my parents used to sing to get me to sleep at night." Eric complained before turning away and grumbling to himself. "And I sing good..."

"I think I've discovered an important hint as to what's wrong with you." The girl replied in a tone that sounded like she'd just had an epiphany.

"Well if you don't like those songs, then I know a few more." Eric offered since simply coaching the wagon was boring beyond belief.

"Just tell me the titles." Fiva ordered suspiciously.

"Bloody Joe, Dirty Gold, Beaten Beth, The Diced Guard, Under The Table, Gimme All Yer' Money, I See a Light-"

"There! I See a Light! That doesn't sound like it has to do with anything illegal or violent at all!" The apple girl enthused from the back. "Sing that instead."

"... Ah, you know what, that's probably too inappropriate to sing in front of a couple of girls..." Eric thought better about it.

"Even you won't sing it?" Fiva shivered.

"It's that bad?" The apple girl echoed.

"How about Sulking Sam instead? I think that song might good for you guys.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just please don't sing stuff like those other songs anymore." Fiva begged.

"It's not my fault that you have no taste..." Eric mumbled under his breath before coughing as he prepared to sing again.

"Ol' Sulking Sam was a sad sight to see. The poor guy only ever wanted to be free. But with a few purses pinched and a night full of folly, he faced a crowd the next morn' that made him cry for his mommy.

Ol' Sulking Sam was a sad sight to see. The poor guy only ever wanted to be free. But he did what he wanted, with no consequence. He ended up dead, sold out by his wench.

Ol' Sulking Sam was a sad sight to see. The poor guy only ever wanted to be free. He lied, cheated and was the best that he could be, but ended up being hung high in a tree!

Ol' Sulking Sam was a sad sight to see. The poor guy only ever wanted to be free. He lived like a king, for only a night. He was killed by his woman the next day out of spite! So listen to me friends, and listen to me well. Live for the night, cause' tomorrow won't be swell!"

"Stop singing... Just stop singing entirely." Fiva deadpanned at him.

"What?" He asked in return.

"That was terrible!" The apple girl yelled from behind him.

"Terrible?! I'll have you know that Sulking Sam is a fan favorite amongst all of the bandit clans." He snapped back.

"Let me be more specific. Stop singing bandit songs because they're all terrible." Fiva continued.

"Oh, come on. They're not that terrible. I've never even done half of the stuff that they do in the songs." Eric countered.

"Meaning you've done some of them." The apple girl spoke in a shaking voice.

"I plead the fifth."

"The fifth of what?"

"Nevermind." Eric sighed in reply. "So what do you guys want to do other than sing? To be honest, I'd love to take a nap, but I don't trust either of you enough to not throw me off of the wagon as soon as you get the chance."

"Tsk." Fiva made a suspicious noise while making sure to turn away to face the apple girl so that she could avoid eye contact with him. "But if you were planning on doing that to him, then you must be a good person. My name is Fiva, by the way."

"Oh, I haven't introduced the two of you yet!" Eric called out happily while slapping his forehead as if he'd forgotten. "Fiva, this is White. White, this is Fiva."

"White? My name isn't-" The apple girl made a face of confusion before turning bright red. "Don't name me after the color of my underwear!"

"Don't worry, white is the color of innocence, so it's a good name to have." Eric made sure to give the fuming girl a thumbs up with his free hand.

"Gen! My name is Gen!" The girl announced.

"It's nice to meet you, Gen." Fiva greeted her before surprising Eric by holding out the cane that she'd confiscated earlier. "Now I'll let you have this back so that you can hurt him whenever you feel like it."

"Oy! Fiva, don't-!" Eric was in the process of yelling at his companion before Gen took her cane back, grunted as she swung it and everything went black for him.

-     -     -     -     -

"I let you hit him, but don't throw him off." Fiva warned Gen as the girl looked as if she'd been about to move the unconscious bandit.

"You're... You're actually going along with him?!" Gen asked in surprise. "This man is a bandit! Who knows what he has in store for us when we reach the next city! Or maybe he was even driving us towards a camp full of bandits!"

"He would die before he ever got the chance." The girl replied in a casual tone. "Besides, I owe him my life and, despite him being a degenerate, he has some good in him."

"The few times that we've met each other, he stole some of my apples, stole his way aboard our wagon twice, sat on me for hours, insulted me and wouldn't stop complimenting my underwear. How is there any good in him?!"

"Even though he's a bandit, he didn't do anything bad to you or kill you to get your wagon." Fiva pointed out. "And as much as I hate to admit it, judging from past experiences, he'll be useful for me to keep around."

"You think he's useful?" Gen asked curiously while looking snoring subject in question. "How?"

"He's lucky." The girl shrugged.

"You're staying with him because he's lucky?" Gen asked in confusion.

"That and because he seemed to be somewhat knowledgeable about surviving." Fiva replied. "Now are you going to take the reins or are we going to let the horses drive us off the road?"

"Ahh! Say something sooner! Grandpa! Grab the reins!" Gen panicked when she realized that the wagon's wheels were getting dangerously close to ruts in the road.

"You were the one that knocked out our coachman..." Fiva sighed before leaning back and preparing to relax for the rest of their wagon ride.

-     -     -     -     -

"Graaah! Where did that stupid bandit go?!" Hannah cried out as she discovered a tree that she'd already walked by three times that day.

"Well, he's definitely not in the circles that we've been walking in all day." May answered with a sigh.

"All this time and all that we've found is an extinguished campfire." Sera started. "Maybe we should just find a road and take it to the nearest city?"

"How would we ever find him like that? With all of the patrols everywhere, the open road is the one place that a bandit on the run would never go." Hannah dismissed her friend's suggestion. "Let's keep looking for now and we'll go to the next town tomorrow if we don't find him."