Different worlds ~Ondreaz Lopez~

unloved

When it is dark, Ondreaz suddenly lies down. I lay my head on his chest. "Do you see the big cart?" He points to the sky. "Yes" I whisper and look up at the stunning starry sky.  We are silent and only the soft music of Ondreaz Box can be heard in the background. I cuddle up a little closer to him and put my arm around his body.He also puts his arm around me again.

I secretly yawn, but Ondreaz notices it anyway. "You wanna go home?" I shake my head. "It's too comfortable for that now", I hear him laughing. His chest rises and falls and I hear his heart beating, which is very soothing. My eyes close for a moment, but I open them again immediately. Ondreaz laughs. "I really think I should take you home" I sigh. "All right" I sit up and make arrangements to take off his sweater. "Leave it on." He waves it off. We pack up our stuff and Ondreaz helps me off the rock. When we get back up the small steps, we put our stuff in the car and put our shoes back on.

Much too fast we arrived at the dormitory. Ondreaz gets out with me and takes me to the door. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, it was really breathtaking" I smile at him. He smiles back. "I think it was really nice too. We can do it again if you want" "see you tomorrow in the canteen?" He shakes his head. "I am invited to an event" "oh ok" I try to hide my disappointment "but you can give me your number and I'll call you when I can" i nod and he gives me his cell phone. i save my name and enter my number. i give him back his cell phone "Well, good night. See you" I give him a kiss on the cheek and unlock the door. "Good night" as I turn around he smiles happily.

I sneak into my room, but as soon as I close the door, the light goes on and Piper smiles at me. "It's after 12:00, what took you so long?" She looks at me and cuts. "That's not your sweater, is it?" She smiles slyly. I sigh and shake my head. "How was it?" Piper looks at me curiously and asks me to talk. I tell her everything we did. "It sounds like a great date! How did you leave it?" "He calls me," I mumble. "Doesn't sound too convincing" I shrug my shoulders. "He's gone for the weekend and I don't know if I fit into this world of his or even want to" "fit into what world?" "Well that TikTok hype house world" I sigh and take off his sweater "But you did a TikTok dance with him today, I don't understand your problem" "he has a lot of fans and has to go to events from time to time, besides that he told me that they always shoot videos or whatever all day on Saturday and have no free time"

"So you want to dump him after the perfect date he's been planning, just because you think you don't fit into his world?" I'm sighing. "I don't know what I want." "You'd better sleep on it." I'm nodding and getting ready for bed.

The next morning I'm still no further than I was last night. After the training with Clay I am in my room with my laptop on my lap. I open the note I wrote last Sunday and read through it several times. Suddenly my fingers are tingling and I start writing again.

When Piper came into the room that evening, I wrote a whole song.  "has Ondreaz checked in yet?" I shake my head. "have you given any more thought to the conversation between us?" I'm nodding. "What came up?" "That" I give her my laptop. She attentively reads the lines.  "Is that a song?" I nod. "you wrote this?" I nod again."Wow, Nike, I didn't know..." "that I seemed depressed?  Didn't know that either" I sit on my bed and cover my face with my hands. "Oh Nike. Everything will be fine, but the text is really good. Tell me, when you write, do you sing?" I nod. "But not good" Piper nods. "Say, do you have any plans tomorrow?" I shake my head. "Well, now you have plans," I look at her confused. "I have to make a quick call."

Piper disappears from the room and I read my text again:
My legs are too thick and then they're too small
I'm everything I hate and then I'm nothing at all
I want him to see me, I want him to stay
But if he says he wants me I will push him away
I skip my dinner, I paint my face
He picks me up, we stay up late
I close the door, I've lost my way
So I drown myself in pain
The food, the clothes, the boys, my drugs
I push it down, I lock it up
So many ways to waste my time
I use it all it all to dry up the flood
It's only 'cos I wanna feel loved
I feel so unloved
I search for a high, a way to get by
They'll judge no matter what so I don't really mind
I'm never enough so I act like I'm tough
But on the inside, I just wanna cry
I weigh myself, I stuff my face
I'm half alive, I'm so ashamed
I kiss him once, I feel nothing
So I do it all again
The food, the clothes, the boys, my drugs
I push it down, I lock it up
So many ways to waste my time
I use it all it all to dry up the flood
It's only 'cos I wanna feel loved
I feel so unloved
They judge me like we're not the same
At least I know, I'm in this game
We run, we hide, we feel, we cry
You can't deny, you feel the pain
Distractions won't take it away
The food, the clothes, the boys, my drugs
I push it down, I lock it up
So many ways to waste my time
I use it all it all to dry up the flood
It's only 'cos I wanna feel loved
Yeah, I feel so unloved
(Lisa Cimorelli, Unloved)

Love youuu ❤️