Different worlds ~Ondreaz Lopez~

All I want

Saturday we spend the whole day rehearsing and I suggest that I can sing my new song. So in the evening we sit in a big room and everyone is allowed to recite something. When I am at it, I take a deep breath and the band does the cue. Then I start singing:
I found a guy, told me I was a star
He held the door held my hand in the dark
And he's perfect on paper but he's lying to my face
Does he think that I'm the kinda girl who needs to be saved
And there's one more boy, he's from my past
We fell in love but it didn't last
'Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away
And I won't fight for love if you won't meet me halfway
And I say that I'm through but this song's still for you
All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask
Is it something wrong with me
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
But shouldn't that be enough for me
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh
And I miss the days
When I was young and naive
I thought the perfect guy would come and find me
Now happy ever after it don't come so easily
All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask
Is it something wrong with me, oh
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
And all I want is for that to be okay

Everybody clap. Later we all sit in the room and chill out together. "Nike, the two guys you're singing about in the song, that's Alan and Ondreaz, right?" Piper looks at me. I'm nodding. "So was I right? You're just pretending to be over her" I swallow, because I know she's right. "Yes, you are. Piper, there is such a chaos of feelings inside of me and I try to block them, but I can't" "it's ok, talk, Nike" I take a deep breath and suddenly it bursts out of me I tell her about how much Ondreaz really hurt me, that I still can't forget him because I still love him and that Alan just opened up old wounds again. Piper give me a hug. "We're gonna get through this with you."

I just came back from my room, because I had to be alone to calm down when my cell phone beeped. I pick it up and freeze at the name. I haven't heard from Ondreaz in a while. When I open the message, a lump forms in my throat. "I just heard the news about Alan. I'm so sorry, I was hoping I'd be the only one to hurt you. You deserve better. I love you" I take a few breaths. Shit, I was just on a roll there. Why does this throw me off track like this?

I turn around and go back to my room Quickly, I get into the bathroom and sit down in the bathtub. Tears are running down my face. Why did he have to write today of all days? On any other day it wouldn't have hit me like this, but today I'm already on the floor and now he is writing me too. Fucking hell...

"Nike? Are you here?" I hear Piper entering the room, but I remain silent. "Nike?" The door to the bathroom opens. "What are you doing in an empty bathtub again?" "I'm writing a song" "are you okay?" Piper sounds worried. I shake my head and start crying. "Heyy, everything's gonna be okay" Piper sits on the edge and strokes my head "Everyone says that, but it's not true.I love Ondreaz and I miss him so much. And even though he hurt me so much" "Nike, I know It's not easy. I know how much he means to you" "I thought I meant something to him, too. Piper, why do I always fall for the wrong guys?" I'm sobbing. "You'll find the right guy, Nike. Now you better lie down and try to calm down and maybe sleep" Piper pats me on the head. "I've written another song" "You're really productive right now" "I'm just overcome with emotion" I'm handing her my laptop. "Can you read it out loud? I want to hear it from someone else." Piper nods and starts reading.

I didn't want you to text me
I didn't ask you to care
I didn't tell you to tell me
That you're always gonna be there
You say that you just gonna let me know
But you're always gonna let me go
And I fall so hard every time you push me
You've got your perfect aim and your perfect word
And I always end up getting hurt
Now I'm crying here in the bath tub here in Italy
Why do you love to lead me on
Do you just wanna to be in my songs?
Did you ever care for me at all
Or was just fun and games all along?
I saw the real you and I really loved you
But I don't know where that person is gone
You just got here and tell me you love me
And you're already gone
I didn't want you to chase me
I never ask you to run
You never knew me, the real me
You just assume that I was the one
I already walked away and say goodbye
And you're already back to make me cry
It hurt so bad how much I can't trust
You said I'm more to you than I could know
But you're always gonna let me go
And I've to stop letting myself believe it
Why do you love to lead me on
Do you just wanna to be in my songs?
Did you ever care for me at all
Or was just fun and games all along?
I saw the real you and I really loved you
But I don't know where that person is gone
You just got here and tell me you love me
And you're already gone
You're in time for a day
And that's how long you let me cross your mind
As soon as you leave that stage you
Forget my name want to get you leave me behind
This could just go on forever
I could just let you stay
But I'm burning a bridge to the crowd
And I'm walking away
Why do you love to lead me on
Tell me the truth or please dear john
Did you ever care for me at all
Or was just fun and games all along?
I saw the real you and I really loved you
But I don't know where that person is gone
You just got here to tell me you love me
And you're already gone
Yeah
Yeah
You're already gone
You're already gone

"John?" "The name fits better and I can't use his name after all" "the song is beautiful" I'm getting tears in my eyes again. "Thanks" Piper pulls me out of the tub and stays with me until I'm in bed "Do you think you can sleep?" I shake my head. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, okay?" I nod. After half an hour, I realize I'm exhausted, and yet my eyes are closed.

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