The Imperishable Flame⎪✓

❨34❩

♀︎

Having no idea what just happened between Lucy and I, my mind is reeling and the constant thinking forces an oncoming headache. Grabbing my head, I sit down on my bed and try to control my breathing. Some part of me feels incredibly hurt, her words were completely uncalled for and very toxic, she actually made me upset with this little show of hers. 

Elijah hasn't changed me, and even if he had, it would only be for the better. Lucy never had a conflict of interest with me, when I spent my time cooped up in this very room, shaking at the mere thought of doing something socially. My social anxiety was through the roof and instead of challenging it, I decided to hide away from it. Elijah has been here to show me what it feels like to challenge it, to show that I'm in charge of my own mind. 

As my friend, she should be fucking ecstatic that I finally found a way to deal with everything. I managed to get an internship, I found him again, my past and very depressed self is so far away from the Dakota there is today. This is me finding the girl who once was before her dad got diagnosed, before her mother started drinking her sorrows away. This is the girl I have been chasing for years on end, trying the get even the smallest part of her again. 

Grabbing my phone, I dial the one number I will always be able to count on. After three rings, her voice carries through the phone. 

"Hey, Kota. Are you okay?" 

"Hi, Dani," I stop it at that and a fleeting moment of silence follows. "I'm definitely trying to be."

Shuffling on the other end of the line, "Relly is here as well, you want me to put you on speaker?"

"Yes, please."

Shuffling again, "Hey, Kota. I've missed you."

"I've missed you two, so fucking much," Hearing Dani's voice and then Relly's on top of that, some ounce of sadness washes over me from being so far away from them. So detached. They are having the time of their lives, while I'm here trying not to freak out from my roommate yelling profanities at me. 

"What's going on, Kota? You're too quiet for my liking," Dani states, ever the observant one. 

Sighing, "Some shit has just gone down and I need my two best friends to talk to, it's one of those days."

"Spill, sis," Relly replies. 

"I don't want to word vomit on you with my problems," The slight uncertainty in my voice is honest, but I really do need to tell someone. 

"Nonsense, spill," She says again. 

"When I visited you guys I told you about Elijah being here. Well, he and I have gotten closer and sex has happened," Pausing I allow them to get out their shrieks of excitement. 

"That's some solidly good news, Kota. Are we talking a one-off or on multiple occasions?" Dani asks with happiness lacing her voice. 

"Multiple," I find myself mumbling and the two of them snicker, their reactions die down and I decide to keep going. "It has been amazing with him, we've gotten so much closer and I've seen sides to him I never even imagined. It's so pathetic how much in awe I am of him when I could've had him in high school. Nonetheless, he brings out a side of me that rarely ever appears and now my roommate is being nasty about it."

Dani sounds mad when she speaks, "I fucking knew I hated her."

"Yeah, well," I pause and try to form a coherent sentence. "Guess you were right all along. It's the most idiotic argument I've ever had, but she was being a bitch, to be frank. Apparently, he makes me act like someone I'm not, wearing colorful clothes and finally leaving my dorm."

"Is she stupid?" Relly bursts through in anger. "She isn't allowed to talk like that, acting as if she knows the real you. Fuck no, she has only seen one side of you and that's not nearly all of it."

"I know, she left in a fit of rage, and then I decided to call you immediately. It's just so pathetic in my mind, it feels like a piece of me broke, but I don't need her approval. Not for anything. I'm just being my typical self, wanting almost everyone to like me or at least tolerate me."

"Kota," Dani starts and her voice has a newfound calmness. "She doesn't deserve you. The friendship was built on you buying almost everything for her, she barely thanked you for it. You won't be sad about it, that's a waste of good life. Please just enjoy your night, maybe call Elijah and schedule a date tomorrow. Do something for yourself."

"I agree, hang up with us and call your man," Relly pipes in making me laugh. 

"Do you two even know how much I love you?" I ask with a hint of appreciation on my voice. They will always be my best friends, even with the distance between us. "Because it's a whole fucking lot."

Dani and Relly send their love back and the three of us converse lightly. Dani admits to missing Brock and his 'sexy ways' as she put it, Relly has officially found solace in sleeping around with every willing guy. As an added comment, she informs me that there is quite a lot to choose from. They talk with me until I'm on my back laughing and with a hurting stomach. Only then do they agree to hang up and I once again find myself all emotional, not wanting to say bye to either of them. 

After sharing a lot of love and allowing each of us to speak our minds, we hang up and the silence in my room is heavy by then. They were exactly what I needed at the moment and I find myself incredibly grateful to have both of them in my life. Such amazing friends. 

A rough knock sounds on the door and a cold shiver runs down my spine, trying to get a grip of myself I sneak towards the door. Being as quiet as possible. Yet another round of pounding and I jump in fright, whoever is out there surely wants to get in. I grab my phone from the bed and keep as still as possible, willing my shaking hands to type out a message to the one guy I know will always be here if anything happens. 

Please answer.