The Hunchback of Notre Dame (A Naruto Tale)

Chapter 1: 20 years later

As Naruto comes down from ringing the bells, he walks out to the balcony of the cathedral and finds a baby bird sleeping in a gargoyles mouth. "Good morning!" Naruto smiles at the bird. The bird squeaks its approval, "Will today be the day?  Are you ready to fly?" he asked but the bird squeaks its disapproval "You sure?  Good day to try." the bell ringer picks up the bird and shows him the view from below "Why, if I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it!  The Festival of Fools!  It will be fun--the jugglers, and music, and dancing... the bird, who had been resting in his hand, begins to flap its wings.  Naruto slowly removes his hands until the bird is hovering in place.  He chuckles and shows his hands to the bird, who finally realizes that it is flying.  It squeaks an approval, then a question, as a flock of birds fly by. "Go on! Nobody wants to be cooped up here forever!" Naruto reassures the little bird as it flies off to join the flock. As soon as it's gone, Jiraiya, and later, Gai come to life. Jiraiya spits out the nest.

"Oh, man!  I thought he'd never leave!  I'll be spittin' feathers for a week!" Jiraiya "Well that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open." Gai snarked "Heh, heh, heh...go scare a nun!" Jiraiya chuckles "Hey Naruto! What's goin' on out there?  A fight?  A flogging?" the gargoyle asks looking down below "A festival!" Gai says "You mean the Feast of Fools!?!" Jiraiya smiles "Uh huh!" Naruto nods his head "All right, all right!  Pour the wine and cut the cheese!" Jiraiya snickers while making farting noises in his armpit. "It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk." Gai smiled "Boy, nothin' like balcony seats for watching the ol' F.O.F." Jiraiya nudges Naruto "Yeah, watching." Naruto sighs sadly and leaves. "Hey, look--a mime." Jiraiya snickers. Jiraiya hocks up a phlegm in his throat, and is about to spit, when Gai covers his mouth.  Jiraiya is forced to swallow his prize.

The two proceed inside to Naruto. "Hey, hey, what gives?" Jiraiya asks "Aren't you going to watch the festival with us?" Gai asks but Naruto ignores them. "I don't get it."Jiraiya shrugs "Perhaps he's sick!" Gai wonders. "Impossible" Tsunade adds "if 20 years of listening to you two hasn't made him sick by now, nothing will." Tsunade explains with a group of pigeons landing on her. "But watching the Festival of Fools has always been the highlight of the year for Naruto" Gai explained "What good is watching the party if you never get to go hear it?" Tsunade asked them as birds begin to roost on her. "Get away from me, go on, you bunch of buzzards!" she shouts waving at the birds "He's not made of stone, like us." Tsunade explained as they find Naruto at his table with a model of the city and small toys, painted like the townspeople. "Naruto, what's wrong?  You wanna tell Granny Tsunade all about it?" she asks him. Naruto sighs "I...I just don't feel like watching the festival, that's all." Tsunade shakes her head "Well, did you ever think about going there instead?" she asks him "Sure! but I'd never fit in down there. I'm not...normal." Naruto explained.

Tsunade shakes her head and puts her arm around him "Oh, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto." She pauses as the birds have returned to perch on her again "Do you mind? I would like to have a moment with the boy, if it's all right with you!" she shouts at the birds. Jiraiya and Gai come join the two "Hey, quit beating around the bell tower." Jiraiya added as he picked up the figure shaped like Naruto "Whadda we gotta do?  Paint you a fresco?". "As your friends and guardians, we insist you attend the festival." "Me?!?" Naruto asked in surprise. Jiraiya holds a figurine of a Pope, from Naruto's tabletop scene. "No, the Pope. Of course, you!" he smiles shoving the figure in Naruto's mouth "It would be a veritable pope-pourri of educational experience." Gai explains as he pulls the figurine out of Naruto's mouth. "Wine, women and song!" Jiraiya added "You can learn to identify various regional cheeses!" Gai explained "Bobbing for snails!"Jiraiya said as he holds a bucket "And study the indigenous folk music." Gai replied "Play Dunk the monk!" Jiraiya added as he dumped the bucket on the Gai.

"Naruto, take it from an old spectator.  Life's not a spectator sport.  If watchin's all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without you." Tsunade explained "Yeah, you're human, with the flesh, and the hair, and the navel lint.  We're just part of the architecture, right Gai?" Jiraiya asks the tall gargoyle "Yet, if you chip us, will we not flake?  If you moisten us, do we not grow moist?" he answered dumping the bucket on Jiraiya. "Naruto, just grab a fresh tunic and a clean pair of hose and--" Tsunade explained but was interrupted by the bell ringer.

"Thanks for the encouragement, but you're all forgetting one thing." he sighed "What?" the gargoyles said in unison "My master, Danzo" he sulked "Oh" the statues groaned. "Well, when he says you're forbidden from ever leaving the bell tower, does he mean "ever ever?"" Gai asked worriedly "Never ever!" Naruto explained "And he hates the Feast of Fools!  He'd be furious if I asked to go." Jiraiya gave an devilish grin "Who says you gotta ask?" "Oh, no." Naruto shakes his head "Ya sneak out and ya sneak back in" "It's just one afternoon. He'll never know you were gone" Tsunade added. "I mean, if I got caught--" Naruto thought "Better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission" Gai added "He might see me" Naruto added "You could wear a disguise.  Just this once.  What Danzo doesn't know can't hurt you!" Jiraiya added "Ignorance is bliss" Gai explained "Look who's talking..." Jiraiya nudged.

"Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever" Tsunade smiled. Naruto thinks for a moment, then a smile creeps across his face. "You're right!  I'll go!" Naruto smiled. I'll get cleaned up. I'll stroll down those stairs. I'll march through the doors and--" Naruto said as the gargoyles have been advancing on the door leading downstairs.  As the bell ringer nears it, Danzo appears in the doorway suddenly, cutting Naruto short and returning the gargoyles to stone.