That feeling
When you stare outside the window of a moving car
Watching a music video of your life
Play behind your eyes
To cheesey lowfi
Wondering what your ex is doing
Are they suffering like I want them to?
Do they miss me?
I don't miss you
Time has past
But that pit
Where I can't forget the misery
The abuse
The craving freedom
Without the ability to escape
It was July
Corn fields were filled with swaying stocks
I graduated on winged grades
I remember throwing that necklace
You had gifted me for christmas
At your feet
Tears in my eyes
Screaming
Why couldn't you love me
Like when we first met
But then again
Those rose colored glasses had to come off sometime
And when I ran
My eyes were on fire
Even across the country
You still managed to control me
Wrapped around your finger
Until too many lines of coke
And a suicide attempt
Showed me
You never loved me
How many times did I block you
Just to hear about you from a mutual friend
It's been three years
And yet I still have to ask you
Beg you
Please just stay dead
