Love: Yourself Challenge

Extra p. 13: The things I've learned (over) Halfway Through this Challenge. 💜💜💜

This post is going to be super long, but if you'd like to take the time to read it, I'm sure you won't regret it. ☺️💜
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Self-Discovery:

These are things I have discovered about myself during this Love: Yourself Challenge. I know I'm already passed the halfway point, but I wanted to share what the good and the flaws I have seen with myself with you guys! Maybe I'll start with the flaws and end with the good! 😆

Flaws:
-I am a perfectionist.
        *Yeah. If I make a mistake, I will beat myself up mentally. Even if it's the tiniest mistake, my brain won't allow it to slide. Usually, I can forgive myself, but if it's a really bad one, it's really hard to stop myself from letting myself slip into depression.
-I am really sensitive.
        *This quality is both a pro and a con! "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This statement does NOT apply to me. Since my highest-ranked love language is Words of Affirmation, the saying, "Sticks and Stones May break my bones, and words make or break me," is more relevant to me. If you throw painful words in my direction, I crumble. I can handle criticism to a certain extent. When I'd hear degrading comments thrown at me daily, and then started believing them myself, I slipped into depression, and it was very painful. It took A LONG time for me to get out of that. Now, if you throw those comments at me, they will bother me. But then, I will either do what I can to prove you wrong or seek emotional support and let myself be reminded that I am not what those negative comments say about me.
But also, I cry. A lot. I cry during k-dramas, sad movies, out of anger, or even when I'm happy. Yeah. I cry a lot to the point I surprise people, and not always in the best way. 😅
-I HATE change.
        *Routines are my best friend. Patterns make me feel at peace. If an abrupt change occurs and I'm not informed about it, it sincerely makes me want to throw things. I get annoyed, even if it can't be helped. I'm more understanding if it can't be helped, but last minute change peeves me more than anything else. 😅😅😅
-I am a bad procrastinator.
        *I get things that I need to get done. BUT. .if it's not something I want to do, I will push it back until honestly. .I feel sick of myself. 😅 It takes someone to either call me out on it, or again, I get to the point where I can't stand seeing what I need to not get done. 😅
- [ ] "Mom" mode has no "off" button
        *Yeah. I have recently discovered I'd be the mom of my friend group. 😅😅 I'm always checking on people. If someone is sick, especially if we are close, I will bother the shit out of you to take medicine until I actually see you do it. I'm also the friend that will ask you if you are okay and if you need anything to the point where you'd get annoyed with me. 😅 but also, I never really stop "mom" mode, even when Ashley and Tony get off of work. They have had to tell me a couple of times that they've got it. For some reason, it's very hard for me, but I know I have to work on it. 😅😅😅
-I am an instigator, and either you will love me for it, or you will genuinely get pissed off at me.
        *Sometimes, my comedic timing can be off. Like. .REALLY off. I will joke about something, and sometimes, that one joke can create chaos, especially if it's a sensitive subject. I've been told that because of these jokes, I love to see the world burn. 😅😅
-"I am an introvert"
          *This isn't really a flaw until I want to recharge. 😅 Living in a house of extroverts is fun, but sometimes, if I go into my room and want to k-dramas, Ashley and Tony will half-playfully/half-seriously give me shit for it, especially if I do this for more than two days. I more appreciate it than anything, but sometimes, I get mentally exhausted, if I can't recharge completely. 😅😅😅
-I don't truly know the difference between companionship and romance.
        *I won't go into more detail than I already have, but this does get me in trouble at times. 😅
-I have trust issues.
        *I've been hurt by quite a few people that I treasured more than anything else. Those betrayals are the reason why I guard my heart. I will hide my pain unless I am very close to you. If I confide in you and tell you how I'm feeling before anyone else, or seek consul from you, I genuinely think the world of you. Please, don't take it for granted, especially if you are one of those people now.
-I am a worrywart
        *This is my biggest flaw, I think. My mind runs at 100 mph, and if I let my thoughts get the best of me, it genuinely makes me sick. Like, I get anxiety attacks to the point my face starts getting tingly, I wail like a baby, my chest hurts, and it gets hard to breathe. Thankfully though, those aren't as frequent as they used to be.

And now, for the good! 💜💜💜

The Good:
-I am one of the kindest people you will ever meet.
        *I believe this full-heartedly. Not just because my friends tell me this, but because I go out of my way to make people smile, regardless of our relationship. I am the person who will genuinely smile at you when I pass you while walking. I even say hello and smile because I believe even simple gestures like that can make someone's day better. ☺️
-I am one of the best friends you can have.
        *Whether it's an ear you need or a shoulder to lean on, I will be one of the first people there for you. Even if I miss a call, I will do everything I can to make it up to you. If it's a hug you need, I'm told my hugs are very comforting and it's a win-win for the both of us because my second-highest ranked love language is Physical Touch. So yeah! Whatever you need, I sincerely try my best to be there for you and support you in any way I can.
-Surprisingly, I love being well-prepared.
        *This is where my "mom" mode helps me a lot. Whether it's making sure we have bug spray and water to play outside, or making sure we have everything we need before leaving the house, I am pretty good at being on top of things!
-I am very empathetic ☺️
        *If you don't know me well, that's okay. I still will listen with a genuine heart. If what you tell me is too sad for you to handle, I will cry with you and find any way I can to comfort you. I've been through quite a few things, and listen without judging because there's a chance that what you're telling me is something I've been through, too. 😌💜 No matter even if it's something I've never experienced, I am the person who will still be here for you.
-I genuinely love people. 💜
        *Even though I am an Introvert, I want to spread positivity to anyone and everyone I possibly can. I want the best for people, especially my loved ones and friends. I believe we all deserve love, and until you prove otherwise, I do my best to make that philosophy come true. ☺️💜
-I strive to live the best I can.
        *I love to laugh without a care, even if my laugh is seen as obnoxious. I take the time to appreciate nature, and even though I am not very good at sports, I still try to be active so I can stay healthy. I value my life more than I ever have before, and I want to live as long as I can. I want to experience so many things, and want to make the most of the time I have. And I, for one, hope I will get to live a long time so that I can make many beautiful memories. ☺️💜
-But most importantly, I genuinely love myself.
        *It took so long for me to get to this point. After the second time I went through depression, I thought I'd never get to this point. But here I am, though. After all the pain and self-loathing I went through, I am finally here.
-But actually, the most important thing is that while I love myself, I love you guys more.
        *While I have confidence, I could never get here without the endless support I have received from you guys. ☺️💜 it's why I always thank you guys genuinely. I know where I came from, and there's no way I could have gotten this far without you guys. So yeah, while I have the tendency to put others first, I don't really mind it because if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't have discovered the real me.

Seriously, thank you guys so much for being there for me. For sending me encouragement and helping me realize I could actually do this. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys. And while I have things to work on, I hope you guys will stick with me until the end. Thank you for being here for me. ☺️💜 Cheers to more self-growth in the future! 💜💜💜