Nairobi Dreaming - Complete!

Chapter 16: Revelations

Watching Abigail walk away from me. The feeling. It was hard to describe. I had felt a version of it once.

Years ago, right after undergrad I spent six months in Mexico City teaching yoga and pilates. I had rented out an okay place in a decent part of town and though it had not been anything I had been in love with it had been full of things I did love - clothes, furniture, knick knacks. One day I got home from class and it had been burned down to the studs. My apartment and everything with it was just gone.

I remember standing out there, in front of the smoldering mess with my yoga mat, backpack, computer, whatever I was wearing and feeling nothing but happiness. I felt light, like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I was aware of all I had lost but I had been given something I had known I needed: a return to a more elemental state, a version of myself totally freed from material things.

It was similar now. I had not known how badly I just wanted to leave that project and Abigail. I had not even considered it as a possibility but now that it had been broached it seemed so obvious. The weeks ahead of me went from dark to light in an instant.

I was free.

****

On the bus ride home James settled in next to me looking drained and turned to me, wearily. He started saying something about corporal punishment then stopped. "You look great," He observed. "Happy."

"Yeah," I said. "Weird."

"What happened?"

"Abigail told me that tomorrow I should pack up and leave. That I wasn't welcome here anymore." I started smiling and found it was hard to stop. I had to take a breath to stop the giggles bubbling up in my belly. "She also told me that I ruined Africa for her."

"What?"

I started to repeat myself.

"No, I mean.. Why? Why does she want you to leave?"

"She didn't say, actually but I think I can guess. I think she blames me for the argument you had with her. Also, I think she thinks I look like the woman her husband cheated on her with."

He shook his head and pressed his lips together looking genuinely disgusted. He lowered his forehead and pressed his thumb and forefinger into it.

Kay peeked her head over the top of the bus seat. "Did I hear that right?" She asked, barely whispering. "Abigail's husband cheated on her?"

"Not the point," James said, dismissing her with a gesture. "Look, I think we need to tell Atieno our plan."

"I said I'd think about it..."

"And?"

I looked out the window. If I was honest with myself the prospect of just escaping, of running away from the problem at hand seemed sweeter and I had a really solid, sympathetic reason for just running away. I had been dismissed. I had not given up. She didn't want me here. But also, I knew I had gone through a similar thought process after what happened in Oakland and I had lived to regret it. I had told myself that seeing a student gunned down in front of me was a very understandable reason for leaving. No one would argue with that and no one really had. Everyone I talked to had been aghast and most people had applauded my decision particularly because I could just leave - why wouldn't I?

And yet, the harder thing to do then would have been to stay and the harder thing to do now would be to answer the need I saw in the classrooms, however complex the answer ended up being and however long it took to effect real, sustainable change. As a teacher myself I had some insight into what needed to be done, Richard clearly had a better idea than Abigail and I had the financial means to help.