Hallucinations

𝓕𝓸𝓾𝓻

SONG- SILENCE by HAX COUGAR ft. SARA SKINNER....
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There was not a single day after the encounter that I had stopped craving for Alex. But even then deep within i couldn't convince myself to go back to that point, the part where Alex could have been mine, which i decided to let go. I was a rash bitch after all. I couldn't get my head in place. Overthinking was just the beginning of all my problems. Panic attacks, nausea when he was around became a constant in my life, unlike the other things i had wanted to be.

I had to face Alex every fuckin day and had to pretend that everything was alright between the two of us. But somehow we both sensed deep withing our shattered souls that it wasn't. We weren't the same. It hurt a lot, as if someone ripped my heart and stabbed it with knives of despair and placed it back where they took it from.

We didn't talk much since then. I became a monosyllabic bitch and he became a sorrowful asshole. But i didn't question it. It was all subtle for me as long as i didn't have to converse with him. I realized if i had to survive this semester i had to stay away from Alex. Isolate myself completely from him.

Time passed rather quickly. A quarter of our semester was over and i was alive. Which meant i was THE BADASS. Lea was completely indulged with Zenith. Alex had also decided to distance himself from me. I wasn't sure if i was happy about it. A part of me was still into him. I was in love with Alex. Questioning my sanity.I couldn't recollect the reason why i didn't want to be in his life. Was i wrong? But maybe it was too late to answer the question.

I started spending a lot of time in the library, isolated from the outside world. This was my way to rediscover Skylark White, the girl I looked up to.

Ms. Penny was the librarian and my mentor too. She was always fascinated by my knowledge on Robert Frost. I mean i did like other authours and poets but Robert was my bae. I could imagine myself still being a virgin at the end of this semester but couldn't imagine living a life without Robert Frost's poetries. I loved him unconditionally.

I referred to myself as an asthete. I loved fancy paintings and was a fan of black clothing (which you could probably tell seeing my dressing style. ME BEING SEXY LMAO.) But weird red gloomy objects seemed to grab my attention pretty easily. I remember saying this to Lea and her handing me some red panties. I mean i appreciate it but 'BRUH!'

Back to the present, H*ere i was in the library fiddling with the pages of some random book in the shelf next to where i was sitting. It was rather boring. A girl,a boy and a lot of sex. Come to realise maybe it was 50 Shades. I mean i know how good of a book it actually is, but with the mental state i was in, i couldn't possibly find a way to indulge myself into exploring the deep and dark secrets behind losing your virginity and craving for action practically 24/7.

Ms. Penny spotted my lack of interest in a book since like forever. It was unusual as books were supposed to be a part of me. She walked up to me and sat next to the empty chair. The library was empty like always. To be honest i had been the only one visiting it lately. Penny asked."Sky darling. What's the matter? I have never seen you this lost in a while now." I appreciated her concern but i didn't have any fucking clue how to answer her. How was i supposed to tell her that i'm sad because of a boy?

She looked into my eyes *you know those death stares? Yes exactly that's how she looked at me* She might have been a tiny old rickety women but she was darn horrifying when she stared into my soul for a whole fuckin minute. I was ghasted.

But to my uttermost disbelief , she managed to figure out the reason behind my desparity. I was sure i didn't let it slip.

"It's a boy i reckon sweetie." She said with a lot of confidence.Okay i was this close to believe that she was a witch or sorceress (witch and sorceress maybe the same thing. I couldn't care much cause i was busy being amused.) I mean what in the hell was that.