Breaking Down the Wall

Misunderstandings

Yo's POV

"Wait for a minute and we'll walk back with you," Kookgai said. She was clearly talking to Pha, and he was smiling at her. He agreed and we paid for our snacks but waited at the front of the store while she and her friend, Dao, picked some snacks.

How many girlfriends does one man need? Well, it wasn't my business. Pha could have as many girlfriends as he wanted and it would never be any of my business. We walked out of the store, Pha and Kookgai walking ahead of us while I walked behind with Dao. I watched as Pha walked along next to her, leaning down to hear when she spoke, her bag of snacks in his hand.

"Ai'Kookgai's really beautiful," Dao said, watching the couple walking in front of us. "They make a good couple."

"Do they?" I asked, not wanting to admit it even though it was obvious.

"Of course, P'Pha is so handsome," Dao continued. "I wish that he'd pay attention to me, but I'm not as beautiful as she is. P'Pha will probably stay with her tonight, so if he does, I'll stay in your room."

I didn't know what to say to her, so I just grunted. I couldn't help the frown that covered my face. Why was I so stupid? I should have realized that Pha wouldn't want to stay with me all night.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything to you," Dao said, noticing my frown.

"Will P'Pha really stay the night with Ai'Kookgai?" I asked, trying to keep the pain I felt out of my voice.

"Probably," Dao said. "Ai'Kookgai told me that P'Pha was interested in her, but he had to be with you because you were sick. If you hadn't come out into the hall, he would have stayed with her."

"You're just as lovely as Ai'Kookgai," I said, trying to change the subject. "What matters is that he's the right person for you. Don't sell yourself short."

"Thanks, Ai'Yo," Dao said, smiling at me. "You're so nice."

We walked the rest of the way talking about the Moon and Star competition and how glad we were that it was almost over. I tried to focus solely on our conversation, but my thoughts kept returning to the image of Pha and Kookgai in the doorway earlier today. If I hadn't opened the door, Pha would already be in her room. When would I ever get it in my head? Pha liked girls.

As expected, Pha followed Kookgai into her room and Dao followed me into mine. I put my bag of snacks on the counter and Dao did the same.

"Want to watch TV?" Dao asked, sitting back on the bed.

"I'm going to go out and look at the sky on the balcony for a little while," I said. "You go ahead."

I walked out to the balcony, taking a deep breath in the still night air. I looked up at the sky and focused on pushing all the pain out of my heart with every breath. I had been a fool for too long. Letting go of this dream would hurt, but nothing hurt as much as loving someone who would never love me back. My memories of a sweaty Pha playing basketball, a handsome Pha walking around the school with bruises on his face from fighting, and even the cold Pha that looked so unapproachable played through my mind, forcing me to see that almost all of my memories of Pha were from far away. I was never close to him. There were no memories of enjoying time together. No sharing of thoughts, only a few moments that could be called friendship. I never even really knew Pha. He was just a handsome face and a crush that made no sense. Knowing he was probably kissing someone else right now did hurt, but it hurt a lot less than I expected.

"N'Yo," Pha's voice pulled me from my thoughts, "what are you doing out here?"

"I was just looking at the stars tonight," I said, wondering what he was doing back already. I turned and looked at Pha, about to walk back in the room. "Where did Ai'Dao go?"

"She went back to her room," Pha said. He sounded annoyed.

"She was going to stay in here, so you could stay with Ai'Kookgai," I said, feeling like I was missing something. Pha and Kookgai had been getting along fairly well, so what was he doing back so soon? Maybe a senior came back to the room unexpectedly and disrupted their night. What did it matter? It wasn't my business anyway.

I grabbed one of my snacks and sat down on the couch to eat. Pha sat next to me with his phone in his hands.

"N'Yo, what kind of person do you think I am?" Pha asked out of the blue.

I thought for a minute before I answered, "I don't know. A womanizer, I guess. A playboy. Something like that."

"I was before, but I'm not like that now," Pha said, watching me closely. "N'Yo, I'll never lie to you."

I looked at him, not sure what he was getting at. Why would he bother to tell me that he isn't a playboy anymore? If he wasn't a playboy, why did everyone say that Pring was his girlfriend while he had girls offering him sex on his phone, and Kookgai saying they were going to spend the night together here? I guess it could all be rumors, but that isn't really what it looked like. Besides, why would he tell me that he won't lie to me?

"You've never lied to me before, have you?" I asked, confused by his tone of voice and the conversation we were having. "I guess you don't always do what you say you're going to do, but that isn't exactly the same thing."

He looked down at his shoes, clearly feeling upset about something. For the life of me, I couldn't understand what he was upset about. He'd never bothered to explain anything before. He'd never cared how I felt. Maybe he's finally starting to have feelings for me? Don't start having crazy fantasies! The last thing I need is to get my hopes up once again and then be reminded of how little he cares about me.

I realized I was sitting on his bed. He's probably too polite to tell me that I'm in his way, so he's talking to me instead. It's not the kind of behavior I usually expect from him, but he's polite to other people, so maybe he's making an effort to be nicer. I got up to give him the space he wanted.

"Do you want to watch TV, P'Pha?" I asked, grabbing several bags of snacks and sitting on my bed.

"No," Pha said. "I'll just play on my phone for awhile. Have you picked out a song for your talent yet?"

"No, but I'm listening to my favorites now, and I'll choose one from those. Goodnight," I said, grabbing my One Piece and putting my headphones in. I was still going through options for the song I would have to play for the competition, but I didn't want to bother Pha with my music.