love letters of sorts.

R.W.

07/04/2020
Dear R.W,
God, you're a blessing. That's the simplest way to put it: an absolute blessing, in more ways that just one. You just radiate positivity and always manage to put a smile on everyone's faces. Your questionable humour is what makes you that much more enticing. I'm just glad that I was blessed enough to meet you.
When I first met you I was amazed by how quick we managed to click. We fricken clicked over a disgusting, festering bowl of slime which had been manhandled by a very large amount of people. What. The. Fuck.
And after this, our fruit wars began. 2am I got a knock on my door and so I open it to find a fucking orange sitting perfectly centred in my doorway. I knew exactly who had delivered this: you, there was no doubt about it. So I ventured across to the western wing and I placed the orange outside your door, I wasn't going to knock and was just going to leave it there for you to find the next morning. However, this plan did not play out very well as this orange was not perfectly round and just so happened to roll ever so slightly and lightly tap on your door. How you heard this, I have no fucking clue, but you opened your door and caught me in the act. I ran for my life and to which you chased me. Not long after, one orange turned to two oranges; one being just slightly rotted and mouldy. This chaos went on for over an hour I'd like to say, and at one point you put a wheely bin in my room? What?

This all eventually died down and we both went to our rooms, about to call it a night. However, 10 minutes later I get a message from you asking for help. Questioning what was going on, I found myself meandering through the halls to your room. Once there, you told me you were in a bit of a predicament. A friend had messaged you, saying some awful things which had your mind racing at a million miles per minute. I tried to help; I offered some insight; we figured it out. We talked to said person for 3 hours, meaning we didn't sleep until 5am; the first late night of many yet to come.

A few days later, we found ourselves watching the Mickey Mouse adaptation of the Three Musketeers. Laying with you, I felt so at peace. Being in your arms felt right. You made me feel all warm and buzzy inside; pure happiness. We both ended up falling asleep during the movie, but once it ended we awoke and continued to talk until around 5am again. You were so easy to talk to. No effort was required. We just managed to work so well and get along as if we'd known each other forever.

And then quarantine happened...
I was conflicted and had an important decision to make; stay at the hall and ultimately be able to stay near you and my friends or go home and be with my family, helping to ease their minds. Eventually I decided to go home, to make my family happy.

This decision is what put a damper on whatever we had.

21/09/2020
What the fuck happened?

As soon as I returned from quarantine everything kind of turned sour?

At this point in time, I am so confused.

You act so weird around me.

Sometimes it seems as though you are trying something with me.

Others it's like you're repulsed by me.

My. Brain. Hurts.

Each time I think I'm finally starting to get over you; finally breaking away from your grip; you just pull me right back in.

Every. Single. Time.

Our friends are even questioning your intentions.

I don't even think you have any clue what you want.

You're confused yourself.

You used to be so easy to read, but now I find myself struggling constantly.

Why is it that you act so different when it's just you and me compared to when our other friends are around?

Are you trying to hide something from them?

Are you ashamed of me?

I just want answers.

I still have you placed on a pedestal high above everyone else, believing you could do no wrong, despite the amount of times you have truly wronged me.

I can't seem to let go of you; of the possibility of what could have happened between us.

I miss what we had, buddy.

I wish that this year could have gone more smoothly and that this stupid pandemic didn't forcefully push me away from you.

So much potential.

I hope you know that I still care about you a hell of a lot. I have so much respect for you and believe you deserve the world.

If only I could give that to you...

If you need me, I'll be in my room listening to Frank Ocean.

With love,
Ruby x