love letters of sorts.

B.R.

Dear B.R,

Oh goodness, I'm not sure where this is going to lead me but I really want to type something to show my appreciation for you and for everything that you have shown me and offered to me.

I guess I'll start off with saying thank you for being so understanding. You have never failed to let me down or ever pushed me away, even when I have become a little too overbearing. You are always there for me and you're one of the people that I can truly count on most. You understand that I have some issues that I am dealing with, but that hasn't changed what you think of me, at least I don't think it has. You continue to go the extra mile for me, whether that be by holding little "therapy" sessions for me or "couples counselling" for S.J. and I, or sitting with me and letting me just pour my heart out. Whether these sessions are a resultant of a small falling out or a big, messy occurrence, I know that I can always count on you and that you will offer a shoulder to cry on. So thank you. Thank you for putting up with my somewhat regular breakdowns and for not letting these moments change your opinions of me. Thank you.

I also want to take a moment to thank you for pushing me. You are one of the only people who has truly had such an impact on me; you always manage to guide me in the right direction, and when I manage to stray from the path that I am walking down you manage to remind me of where I want to go and manage to bring me back to the path that I am supposed to walk down. You have pushed me to do things that have resulted in me becoming an overall happier person; it seems that you tend to know what's best for me and the things that you do for me all tend to have the intentions of making me happy. I don't think that I have ever met someone who has thought about my own happiness this much before, and honestly, it's kinda confusing to me but also hella refreshing. And I want to apologise for sometimes being so stubborn and oblivious, I don't mean to be a pain but I know how annoying it can get so I'm sorry that you have to put up with this. Thank you for helping me to steer down the right path and for pushing me to do the right thing despite me sometimes being hella stubborn. You truly are a blessing.

I must say, I've always admired you. You have been through a lot of hardships yourself but you still stand true to who you are and stand by your morals. And despite what you've been through, you have still somehow managed to remain so humble and down to earth and again, I admire that. I admire that you manage to stay pure and truthful even though you have every damn right to be anything but. I admire that you strive to make sure that everyone around you is okay. I hope to one day be at least half as great as you, B, because you are truly quite fantastic.

I haven't ever really spoken about this with you because I wasn't too sure about how things would go down considering T.B. But I think now that a fair amount of time has passed, and now that a lot of growing up has occurred on both parts, I can say this, I have felt this deep connection and attraction to you for quite some time now and I'm finally ready to admit that. Although, I can't quite pinpoint when this started up. But it's definitely been a wee while. It has been so refreshing to have someone around that is flexible with my needs at different moments; one moment you could be making me laugh like crazy and the next you could be consoling me when I'm not feeling too good. You are amazing.

So thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done and for everything that you continue to do. If it weren't for your help over the past few years I'm honestly not too sure where I would be right now. Thank you for sticking by my side through some of my hardships and thank you for pushing me to do things that will end up being a great benefit for me. I adore you so much and I really hope that i managed to get that point across in this letter. Have got so much love for you in my heart, B.R. And I just want to say, I hope that I never ever manage to hurt you because never ever would you deserve that. I'm sorry for hurting you recently and for taking jokes too far — I really am and I hope you know that.

I know that this is a bit over the place but I felt as though it would be a good idea to get all of this out there because I don't want to have to bottle it up anymore. I think that within this letter I have managed to address most of what I wanted to. But if there are any disparities or if you are a little confused and have anymore questions then fire away, I love questions. Ask me about whatever. I'm open to answering whatever questions you have. And maybe at some point we could go out and get a coffee together? Does that sound like a good idea?

With love,
Ruby x