If Only (The100)

Polis

"It's time to go to Polis"
(Clarke pov)
Octavia has already picked people to come to polis with us. I jumped onto Nyx while everyone does the same to their own horse.
Lincoln and Octavia ride together, monty and Harper ride together, Murphy and Jasper ride together while Bellamy rides by himself. And so does Roan.
It's been a day since we left for polis and the group is getting tired so I decided to set up camp in the forest.
Everyone had their own tent except for Bellamy. I was going to offer him a place to stay but my big brothers decided to stand infront of my tent. I knew they would never allow it so I whispered "goodnight Bellamy".
(The next morning)
I had woken up at dawn. I turned to see Lincoln braiding Octavia's hair.
"What are you doing?"
Octavia day there will Lincoln piled back strands of her hair into a ponytail. She finally let out a grunt to say "he's braiding my hair. Harper is next."
I felt bad that we didn't talk to Harper much so when I saw her sitting by herself I took the chance to talk to her.
After a while I told her about the braiding and she asked me if I could do it. I wasn't sure how to do her hair so I decided to do two side braids that were shown in the back of her hair.
Once I saw that everyone was awake I got back on my horse.
"Let's continue the journey to Polis before the maunon (mountain men) come"
It's been a few minutes till we had gotten back on the horse and I hear Monty ask the girls why they have braids.
"It is a symbol of our culture. Once you die, a piece of your braid is cut off to make sure that it is you. Every grounder with hair has one, and since Lexa is allowing you to join the coalition, you are going to become grounders. You must start acting like us before Lexa dies.
If she dies then the next commander might not except you. There could be a chance that I don't win. I will be forced to kill the children I grew up with and two of them were my friends. But don't worry. I will win." Is all I say.
(Bellamy pov)
What would happen if she didn't win the conclave? Would we still be accepted into the coalition? But I know that Clarke has a good chance of winning. I was going to ask her what was happening when I see her stand up on her horse.
"CLARKE! What are you doing?!" I turned around and saw Roan ride next Clarke. Then they started to race each other back to polis. I could hear her laughing as when she looked behind her she would stop with her arms in the air. Her expression will change every time she looked back at us. When she was with her brothers she would smile and laugh but when she turn to us, her expression goes blank. As if she has no feelings.
"Bellamy your staring again. She only smiles in private. She is not allowed to show weakness. People must fear her and she only acts like that when Roan is around. He never forced her to hide who she was. So they were always competitive. One of the hardest contest for them is horse racing. She isn't the best at it but she is the great." Lincoln said before running off after them.
(Clarke pov)
We arrive at polis and everyone bows for me and Roan. It feels good to be back home with my brothers. I set everyone up in Veda's tower. The boys shared a room across from mine. I invited Harper and Octavia to a sleepover while Roan and Lincoln went to talk to our mother.
(The next morning)
Azgeda has come to Polis to fight with Heda. I don't know what mothers plan is but I know she won't disappoint us.
(The fight between Roan and Lexa happens just like in the show)
"NOOOO." I sobbed onto the floor. I felt my legs collapse under me and fell to the floor. I felt Lincoln's arm wrap around me as he carried me to my room. My mother is dead and it's Lexa's fault. Maybe it was true. Maybe people die and it's no ones fault. But I will never feel this way again. My brothers will never leave me and I won't let anyone hurt them. Lincoln started to carry me up to my room. I fell asleep but when I woke up Bellamy was sitting at the edge of my bed.holding my hand.
(Lincoln pov)
Clarke never knew loss like this. Nia was more then her mother, she was her teacher, idol, friend and the one who took her in when no one else would. I was standing outside her door when I heard her screaming.
"GET OUT. I CANT BE HERE. LEAVE ME ALONE. PLEASE".
Roan and I rushed to her side. Roan grabbed Bellamys arm and dragged him to the other room. I walked over to Clarke and saw her crying again. The paint was smeared across her face. Roan can back and we have her a hug.
She stood up and walked to the dresser. She took off her war paint and sliced her hand open. We watched as she readjusted her war paint and braided her hair again. Before she walked out the room, she said " I will make sure you both are safe. Mother is gone but we are here. I will not watch you guys get hurt like mother did. I will not cry for her. Her gonplei ste odon (her fight is over). I love my brothers." She walked out the room and began training with the other natblidas. Me and Roan looked at each other and went to the others to explain what was happening.
(Bellamys pov)
I couldn't compare to Clarke's pain. Her brother was in a fight with her friend who killed her mother. I went to comfort her but she kicked me out. She was raised to not show fear but she broke down crying. I was trying to explain what was happening to the others when Lincoln and Roan walked in.
"Roan is the king now. But he is not the commander. Lexa has promised to continue with the deal we made but Clarke is not allowed to see any of you. That is also part of the deal now. Lexa feels that you guys are a distraction to her training. But she is allowing Octavia to join Clarke is the fighting rooms. She is also allowing Harper to join in for the hunting rounds. You guys are not allowed by the nightbloods" Lincoln looked at Octavia before Roan grabbed his arm to pull him outside.
(Clarke's pov)
I will not cry. That's all I thought of since I saw Bellamy on my bed. In that moment I remembered Illian. I was in love with him and they killed him. It took a while for me to get over that heartbreak and my friend lost her life trying to protect me. We were walking in the forest after saying goodbye to Illian's body. I was in tears and an attacker came. My friend stood infront of me as the blade flew. I watched as the blade hit her in the chest. I was in tears until Lincoln came. He fought the attacker but we weren't able to save my friend. I took me a while to get over those deaths. For a month I stopped caring about people. But I got over it after a while.
But it's coming back. I won't trust people that easily anymore or care for them. I have to focus on training for now.
(One month later)
Everything has been going good for now. I've spent most of my time with Lincoln since Roan had to go back to Azgeda. Octavia has been there for me. She is looking more like a grounder. I also sent a girl to visit Murphy and from what I hear, they are becoming serious. I practice my English and learn how to cook different things. I train with the other natblidas everyday and practice my rituals. I have seen Bellamy around the city. But Lexa or seda realized and forces me to do something. I usually ask Octavia about him and he sends me letters. I know I'm not suppose to talk to the others but I miss them.
Lexa was on her way back from Azgeda when the maunon attacked her. She was badly injured and has fallen ill. Seda believes that she won't make it past tonight.
(The next day)
I was waiting next to Lexa. She was like my sister and my best friend. I've say with her until she took her last breath. It was time for the next natblida to become Heda. I was preparing my stuff when Bellamy came up to me.
"Don't be afraid. If anything happens, I want you to know that you aren't alone." And with that, he kissed my forehead and walked away.