Newt x Reader

PART TWENTY

You guys have NO idea how many HOURS I have spent on this one!!!!🥵🥵🥵🥵 I genuinely hope you like it cuz I've spent most of my spring break working on it😂😂
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     "After you," he says once we reach the base of the ladder, gesturing for me to go up first.
I glance up at him and see that he's already staring down at me.
     For a second, I get lost in his eyes.
     I'd never noticed how they light up whenever he looks at me.
You only "noticed" that because you've finally accepted that you have a crush on him, I tell myself impatiently. He doesn't look at you any differently.
Before he can see that I'm blushing, I climb to the top and take a seat on the edge.
     Feelings are not facts, I remind myself resolvedly as he sits down next to me, respectfully leaving plenty of space between us.
Regrettably, I didn't think to plan ahead so I don't know what to say. I know Thomas told him everything, but I'm just not sure how to bring it up.
When he finally realizes that I'm not going to talk first, Newt chooses—mercifully—to ignore the elephant in the room, and instead aims for a more casual conversation. "Before Thomas left, he told me Frypan freaked out when he found out you'd be gone for the morning," he says with a chuckle. "Looks like he's been pretty busy without your help."
     "Yeah, I can imagine," I reply lamely. The whole world seems to go silent for a moment as it shakes its head at my idiotic response.
     Newt clears his throat, and I hate myself for finding the simple action so attractive. "Minho told me that he and Thomas started exploring a new outer section in the Maze yesterday," he continues, undeterred—unfortunately—by my detached tone. "Nothing interesting yet, and since Thomas went out late today they probably won't have much time to look around, but Minho's hoping they'll find—"
     "Stop." The word comes out much sharper than I intended, and I flinch inwardly when I see an expression of hurt and confusion cut across Newt's face as he turns to me. "Just stop," I repeat, softer this time.
     "Y/N, what's wrong?" he asks, concern evident in his tone.
     "I—I can't do this," I say, shaking my head. "I can't do this yet. I thought I was ready, but—"
     "What do you mean?" Newt interjects, eyes searching my face for answers. "You can't do what?"
     "Pretend like everything's normal between us!" I exclaim. "I can't just sit here talking about Frypan and the Runners and act like nothing's changed!" Newt sighs. "I'm sorry I asked to talk to you," I say, my voice quieter now. "I thought—I thought I was ready, but I need..." I draw an unsteady breath. "I need more time, more space to think."
With that, I stand up and start toward the ladder. As I set my foot on the top rung , he calls, "Y/N, wait—"
"Don't rush me, Newt," I snap, turning sharply to face him. "I told you, I'm not ready."
     The look of hurt in his eyes is almost enough to make me feel bad for being so harsh, but I start down the ladder regardless.
     I didn't think I could be in love with him and mad at him all at once, but...apparently it's possible.
I just can't seem to shake the feeling I woke up with after remembering the breakup. I know I don't really have a reason to be angry with him, because now I know he was just trying to protect me, but...now that I have feelings for him again, I need more time to process everything and let it become the new normal for me. I'm hopeful that in a few days this won't be a big deal anymore.
     Maybe my feelings for him are what made me so upset. Perhaps I'm just jealous of my former self, of what Newt and I used to have, now that I know it wasn't fake...and now that I've realized that I still love him. I suspect he feels the same way about me, but...it's too risky to make assumptions, and even more so to act on them.
Once I'm only a few rungs from the ground, I jump the rest of the way, landing smoothly then setting off across the Glade at a brisk pace.
     I run a hand through my hair as I attempt to not look like I'm desperately trying to escape to the Homestead.
     I risk a glance back at the Lookout Tree and see that Newt is still at the top, sitting right where I left him, with his head in his hands.
The sight makes me want to cry, but I can't think about that right now.
He doesn't look up, and I'm glad for it, because I know that if he did and our eyes met, I would probably run back to him and jump into his arms and apologize over and over for how I just acted.
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So I've planned the next six parts, but I haven't actually written all of them...I'm just hoping they don't take as long as this one did😂😬