"Stop it Tom!" I shout slightly too loudly that everyone in the cafe looks at me. I pick my bag up to get my money out, so I can pay for my caramel frappe. I turn to Tom avoiding his eyes, and in more of a hushed tone say, "This just isn't supposed to be. Please just stop wasting your time." He's fiddling he's thumbs together and I know I can't look at him because it'll just make things so much harder than it already is. I slowly look up, and look in his eyes. All I can see is heartbreak. I look away immediately, not bearing to bring back the feelings I have for him. I can't do this again, I just want to go. I can't handle it anymore - I love him. I can't let myself love him though, I just won't let it happen. I'm with Noah now; Tom's too late. I pay for my frappe and put my purse back in my bag, and say, "What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? We can't be together." I need to leave before I start crying, so I pick my frappe up and start walking away.
"Gracie," Tom says calling after me. But all I can hear is the desperation and regret in his voice. My shoulders just drop, and butterflies flutter in my stomach. I can feel the salty water surrounding my eyes and I'm pleading with it to stay there. My eyes feel heavy and my breathing is becoming ragged. He barely said it without choking. I just stand there turned away from him, I can't let him see me like this. He's only two feet away from me, but I couldn't feel like I was further away. A tear streams down my cheek, causing it to sting instead of wiping it away, I just let them fall. It feels like the most painful thing in the world - one streaming out after the other, and I leave them there. I leave them with the feeling that they're burning through my skin.
I try pulling myself back together: I take a deep breath, and roll my eyes, as I turn around. I can't let him see I care. "What?" I try to sound as annoyed as I can that he's stopping me from leaving, but I can still feel my cheeks burning and I know you can clearly see I've been crying. "What do you want Tom?" I say again because he didn't answer me. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Of course they are looking - that's what people do, everyone is so intrigued in everyone else's lives - everyone loves a bit of drama don't they. I don't look at them though otherwise I might just shout at them too. It's all too much.
"I love you Gracie." Tom blurts out. "I've been trying to get over you - I've tried so hard for so long. I've denyed to my friends that I love you, saying that we were just friends and starting to believe that myself. Though I can't deny that you are the first person that I think about; the first person I wanna tell everything to, whenever I get good or bad news - it's always you that I want to tell. There's never a time where I don't feel this way. You never leave my mind and it's getting harder to lie to myself about how I'm feeling - I love you. You're my first thought the moment I wake up, all I can ever think about is you. Your smile is all I ever want to see, and the way your eyes shine when the sun looks down it's beautiful, and how your face looks right before you smile. You don't realise how perfect you are; you doubt that you are at all, but all I see is how beautiful you are. How you're smile lightens up the whole room the moment you walk in. How your eyes are so easy to get lost in. How you're the perfect size to rest my shoulder on." As he says that we both laugh." Every single part of you is perfect, and there's no other word to describe it."
"There's no way of explaining how much I want to hold your hand and walk with you along a bench while the sun is setting. I love it when we laugh at something pointless that only we find funny. The moments where I look over at you and you look like you don't have a care in the world, and when you see me looking at you and your smile just grows as you do something even more stupid. I wanna snuggle up on the sofa with you laying on my chest while we're eating popcorn and Chinese and pizza and all the food you love, and whenever I look at your face there's nothing I want to do more - than kiss you." He pauses for a moment and we just stare at each other before he starts speaking again. "You don't realise how perfect you are, and you doubt that you are at all. All I see is how beautiful you are. Every single part of you is perfect and there's no other word to describe it."
"He's just using you Gracie. You know I could treat you so much better than he does - he doesn't care for you the way I do. You really need to listen to me because I'm telling you the truth." He's voice is raspy sounding like he hasn't had a drink in years. We're both crying now. You can tell he meant every single word he said.
I feel like I can't speak, nothing was coming out. "T-Tom just stop! I can't do this!" I turn back around and leave. I leave as quickly as I can.
My legs feel so weak right now; I feel like I'm gonna collapse any second. I turn the corner and just break down on the end of an alleyway. My legs collapse leaving me with my back against the wall and my arms wrapping around my legs as if I'm cradling myself. I let the tears fall down my cheeks dripping on my knees. My head's pounding leaving me unable to think. My phones ringing in my bag but I just let it ring, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just sit here for a while - feeling numb. Just feeling a if I'm not okay.
