"I sometimes ask myself, 'Why have I fallen for you? Why do I love someone who I know will never like me back?' I know you're not mine, and you never will be, so why do I keep letting myself feel this way? I can't help thinking about the times we spend together and how I'm never as happy with someone else. You make me feel a way no one else can. I replay the times we spend together in my head: our inside jokes, the way I tease you, and the times you think you're better than me and we both know you're not." I let out a slight laugh. "It's the times you look up at me when something funny happens and you have the biggest, most beautiful smile on your face." I exclaim to her. I can't hide my feelings anymore not when she letting people treat her as if she's nothing. She deserves so much more than she thinks, but she can't see that.
"I can't stop loving you, Rhianna. You mean the whole world to me, I can never imagine being with someone who isn't you. I'm so in love with you and you will never care for me the way I care for you. I never want anyone to hurt you, but you will never feel the same way for me because you are so blind to you're feelings. You don't care how others treat you, you let other people use you and treat you as if you're nothing." I pause for a second and look up at her she's standing there not saying anything. Her shoulders are dropped and her arms are down at her side. Her hands are relaxed - not tensed - and her face is full of emotion, but at the same time showing none. After her not saying anything, I continue, "You are so talented and funny and unique. I've never met someone as amazing as you and yet you still can't even see your worth." I say starting to tearing up. People say boys are weak if they cry but who cares. I love her and she doesn't love me back - how do they expect me to react, as if I don't care? Well I do care. I care more about her than I ever have about anyone in my life.
"I thought you moved on, Tom. I thought you fell in love with someone new and stopped caring about me." Rhianna shouts back at me.
"Do I look like I've moved on? I have tried so hard to move on, because my feelings are eating me up inside, but I can't - no one is you. No one will ever come near to comparing to you. I just wish you loved me back. Why cant you love me back?" I can't help raising my voice. I hate raising my voice so much but I just can't help it.
She looks at me and I instantly know what she's going to say. Before she says anything I relax my voice and say, "Don't worry about saying anything, I've spent my whole life falling for people who didn't love me back. It's nothing new but I'm scared that I'll never be able to forget you, that my all my life, whenever I meet someone new, I won't be able to fall in love with them because they're not you. I'm scared I'll never be able to love someone who isn't you."
She starts walking towards me before she stops herself and looks me in the eyes, "I can't love you, Tom. I don't know how to. I don't even know how to let you love me."
"What are you so scared of, Rhianna?" I ask. I'm beginning to lose control, but I can't help it. I can't keep everything in anymore.
"I'm scared that if I fall in love I will just as easily fall out. I'm scared of breaking you, the same way I am broken-"
"You're doing this so I don't get hurt? You're hurting me now - you are breaking me more than anyone has ever broken me." I interrupt her.
"You've always meant the whole world to me, but we are never going to work out because I'm not good enough for you," She continues. "You deserve so much more than me, you can find someone so much better than me. You can find someone who will treat you right and loves you as much as you love them. Can't you tell - I'm broken. " She looks down at the floor breathing. "Goodbye, Tom." She turns around and walks away not letting me say another word.
She left me wordless. She made it seem like it was just a word, as if it didn't just leave me lifeless, taking my breath away. It felt as if every single goodbye that has ever been said, was said to me all at once. It's strange how words have so much effect on someone. How just two words had so much power over me. They always say that 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' They got it wrong words do hurt me. They hurt more and cause more pain than anything else ever would - they left me feeling numb.
I've tried getting over her and moving on, but I can't, my mind is constantly on her. It's seems quite ironic because when I was growing up my mum always told me to never to love the other person more than they loved me. Until this day, I never understood what she meant. I always saw how my parents loved each other so much, neither of them would do anything to hurt the other intentionally, but after this second I've never understood what she meant more. I've never experienced the feeling of not being loved back by the person you love so much, it hurts so much and yet I still don't know how I stop loving her.
