Butterflies | ON HOLD | ASOUE Duncan Quagmire x OC

8 - HANDS

CHAPTER 8 - HANDS

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The chants between Carmelita and the rest of the school seemed to be pounding into the heads of the orphans as they watched their enemy ride the school mascot. Switching between the classic "Who can't be beat? A dead horse!" chant and "Our particular school is better than others!", it felt mind-numbing. Aileen was almost glad when Count Olaf and Nero settled down the crowd.

"I love the energy! I love it!" Olaf grins. The school continues a bit longer, but eventually, Nero glides to center-stage once again to calm down the crowd.

"Okay everyone, settle down," he says. "Settle down?" Olaf repeats as a question, turning towards Nero with an insulted look on his face.

"Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?" Olaf asks the crowd. "Nero..." Nero corrects. "'Settle down.' How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. 'Settle,' a word which here means 'settling for less,' and 'down,' my personal least favorite direction. Now let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. 'Coach Genghis,' she said to me, 'I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds.' I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?" he asks, pointing to the children in the crowd. The students all look around, shaking their heads.

"Um... they're schoolchildren." Nero points out.

"Exactly. And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks!" Olaf demands. "Do you think I told her to settle down?" he asks, segmenting each word. Carmelita and the ancient, pale cheerleaders behind him, "Probably not!" and the school mindlessly repeats it. Olaf nods and walks down into the isles while continuing to speak. "Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happened?" he stops and turns towards the six orphans sat in front of him.

"She died in a mysterious fire," he says, slipping out of his accent. While the other orphans silently challenged him, Aileen turned away, not daring to look him in the eyes. She had lost her parents not even two days ago, and she didn't want to start crying in front of the Baudelaire's largest adversity. Duncan takes notice of this and sweetly smiles at her to try and calm her down. Isadora places a hand on Aileen's shoulder to let her know she's there.

"Wait, what?" Nero asks.

"Settling down is what losers do," Olaf says, settling back into the goofy accent, stepping back towards the stage.

"But the woman you were talking about..." Nero continues, clearly confused.

"Settling down started World War 1," Olaf said, looking pointedly at the orphans.

"Okay, but the story you were telling..."

"Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again, and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?" Olaf asks. "No!" the crowd answers. "Bring in the violin!"

As the wretched violin starts playing, the orphans all turn to each other to discuss their next plan to stop Count Olaf.

"What are we going to do?" Aileen asks.

"The whole school is falling for the treachery of an unhinged villain." Violet states.

"That always happens at pep rallies," Duncan says, looking towards his sister.

"This might be our only chance to stop him. Sunny, stay here." Klaus says, addressing his baby sister. Aileen and the Quagmires watch as Klaus and Violet grab the newspaper that was on the ground and run up to the stage, their young sister wandering over to Isadora's lap.