Love, Beth

Chapter Two

*trigger warning: mentions abuse*

Dear Kate,

Do you remember all those times you'd call me after a fight with Kevin? You'd talk for hours about the horrible things he would call you and you would always defend him because he 'loved' you. That wasn't love.

I hated him, I still do, for hurting you. That asshole had no right to treat you like that. I'd always say how you deserve better, and you really did. If we had dated, I would've shown you what love really is. Kevin didn't love you, he just wanted to control you. But I loved you, I still love you... I think I'll always love you. I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you.

I never told you this but I'm kind of the reason why he broke up with you. I was sick of seeing you upset because of him so I went to talk to him. Okay, well I'd planned  on talking to him but I ended up being more... aggressive... with my words. I couldn't help it! I was just so pissed off that he hurt you... I'm really sorry, Kate.

I ended up going to his house one night. I'm not gonna lie, Kate, I was pretty drunk. I ended up sobbing while screaming every bad word I could think of at him. I told him that you deserve better, because you did. You really did. I think he decided that he didn't want me to get in the way of his emotional abuse. I think he saw that I'd defend you and decided you were no longer an easy target.

Remember that black eye I had that one day? The one that you asked me about and I'd said I'd hit it on my bedpost from tripping. Yeah, that was from him. It's alright though, I ended up punching his cheek. After that, I threatened him a bunch. God, I'm so sorry, Kate... I was too drunk to think about what I was doing. He better not have touched you after that. I'd always take notice of your outfits and quickly check you for bruises or for any other sign that he may have hurt you. It doesn't seem like he did. Would you have told me if he did? I really hope so. I hope you knew that you could tell me anything. I wouldn't have judged you.

I still feel bad, every single day, that I couldn't have protected you better. I was even the one that encouraged you to go out with him because he seemed like 'a sweet guy who'd treat you right'. I remember those words coming out of my mouth and every day I regret saying them. I can't help but feel responsible for the pain he caused you. He asked you out, you asked me for advice since you thought he was cute but you didn't know him that well and I... I told you to go for it.

I actually have a funny story about your first date. Sure, you won't ever know this happened since you'll never get these damn letters but who cares? He took you to the movies... two years ago? Damn, it's been two years already? Anyway, in your excitement, you told me the details of the date plan: which theatre... which movie... what time... I wanted to make sure he wouldn't try anything and wasn't trying to kidnap you or some shit so I got a ticket too and hung out in the back of the theatre. You wouldn't have noticed me of course, it was dark and I was wearing my black hoodie. Yes, I realize how creepy that sounds but don't girls show up at their best friend's first dates just to make sure they're alright and also just to fuck around for laughs? I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'm glad that nothing happened then, he kept his hands to himself and even offered to buy you the snacks and ticket. And even during the movie, he offered you some of his popcorn. I could hear you giggling and you looked so happy... Damn, that asshole sure messed up. I'm so sorry.

Kevin moved away recently, actually. He went back to Canada with his dad... Actually, he swung by my house before he left. When I answered the door, he just started sobbing and apologized a shit ton. He apologized for how he'd treated you, and for punching me. He was a mess. I felt bad for the guy, sure, but he hurt you. I still hate him for what he did to you. He never even apologized to you, the one he'd really hurt.

I hope you realize how much you're worth. And how much you mean to me...

Love, Beth