Love, Beth

Chapter Four

Dear Kate,

Yes, I know it's been a month since I last wrote, I'm sorry. I mean, not much has happened anyway.

I've known you since the 1st grade. Damn, so much has changed since then... I don't remember much from then, considering we weren't that close. I do remember that we were partnered up for some kind of art project though. I only remember that because it's still on my wall. The turkey hand painting. You know, the one every single kid ever has done. It's still there. Yes, it has its fair share of scribbles and tears but it's still so perfect... because of you.

When I was little I didn't think much of it. We had helped each other by painting each other's hands and when we were done, we gave each other our paintings. I had put it in the drawer of my bedside table and didn't look at it again until the 6th grade. I've kept it on my bedside table since. I think I'll pin it up in your room. Would you like that? I think you would.

I remember that we became friends in the 3rd grade. Every recess, we'd play dumb games together. I remember how we always pretended to be fairy princesses, fighting off evil and riding unicorns together or some dumb shit. I can't fully remember, it's been so long, but I remember how happy I was. I also remember how we got caught passing notes in class, or how we got separated in class constantly from talking too much.

In the 6th grade, we became best friends. I remember how you'd gotten a friendship bracelet making kit and made us matching bracelets, asking me to be your best friend while offering the bracelet. I'd taken it, a wide smile visible on my face, agreeing to be your best friend and promising to always be by your side. We would constantly go to each other's houses after school, staying until the sun set. We always begged to have sleepovers, even on school nights, when we knew it was useless to try. We'd always cuddle up together, and wake up in each other's arms. Boy, do I miss that.

We've been best friends ever since. However, in the 9th grade, I began to see you differently. Freshman year in high school and I was terrified. But I had you. And that was all I needed. I began to see you as more than a friend. Your existence in my life opened my eyes to vibrant new shades of colours. It was beautiful. Since then, I've felt so excited to be alive. Every time you made eye contact with me, I'd turn bright red. Every casual touch would make my entire body heat up. We'd do everything together. We'd take turns walking each other to our classes, we'd eat lunch together, occasionally skip a dull class to go to a Starbucks or 7-11. If we did have a class together, we'd make dumb jokes or pass notes the entire time.

Your laugh... damn... It was beautiful, like music to my ears. Your laugh always put a smile on my face and when I heard it, I'd stare at you in wonder. Your laugh was musical, bright, and overall, just perfect. If I happened to be beside you while you were laughing, you'd lightly place a hand on my shoulder or arm. I loved that. I loved how sometimes, you'd laugh so hard that your eyes would fill with tears, and you'd giggle as those tears streamed down your face.

I've liked you, and only you, since 9th grade. Every time you'd jokingly ask who I liked, I'd tell you I didn't like anyone. But you always noticed the blush on my face, so you'd tease me until I 'told' you. Truth is, I'd just make up a crush. I'd point out some random guy or name one of the popular dudes that every girl at our school had a crush on. Never once did I look at them, or anyone else, the way I looked at you.

Remember how people would always ship us or ask us if we were dating? I would go bright red. I wonder if you'd noticed. Did you realize? I really hope I didn't make it that obvious. I regret not asking you out, but I was way too scared that I'd fuck up our friendship. I'm sorry. I should've gone for it.

I miss you.

Love, Beth