Fate has a design for everyone. There is no escaping it. No changing it. You must follow the path that has been set out for you. No matter how difficult it becomes.
I feel weird writing you back so quickly. Like I'm going to come off over eager and scare you away. I'm just so excited to actually hear from you. To see your words instead of Jimin's.
Is it weird if I say that all I'll think about tonight as I'm cuddling that little plush is that you're somewhere cuddling it's match?
I - this is so awkward, so I guess it's best just to come out with it - there's no one like that in my life, Jinnie. I've done some incredibly stupid things since the day you left, trying to, I don't know, reconcile my own inability to act human towards you. It didn't work. All it did was leave me feeling more empty.
My therapist says that apparently I have the emotional capacity of a tablespoon, and you needed someone with a whole measuring cup.
Would you mind sending me another picture? I'll send you one too, if you want. I just love seeing you like this.
- Kookie'
...
'Kookie -
It's okay. My therapist says I'm only allowed to check this email once a day. I've been being bad and waiting until after midnight though. I know it's cheating, but I couldn't help it.
I'm cuddling him right now, actually. Snug yours real tight if you read this at home, okay?
I really want so badly to respond to everything you said, but please try and understand that it's a lot for me to take in all at once. Just please know that I don't blame you.
I'm so proud of you for going to therapy! That's such a big step. You have such a big, strong, beautiful heart Kookie. You deserve to have it be whole.
I'm technically not supposed to send you any more pictures. But, I guess if you promise to send me one in return, then it'll be an even exchange and those are acceptable.
- Jinnie'
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...
'How is it fair that my mate is that cute?
I'm sorry I don't have a lot of time this morning. I woke up a little bit late. I promise I'll write you more when I get home.'
'Shit.
I just realized I called you my mate.
I'm sorry, Jinnie. My therapist keeps telling me I can't think of you like that anymore. That I need to get your permission first.
Anyway, here's a selfie I took on my way home last night.
Be well today, okay?'
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...
Shit.
Jimin was right.
He was a weak ass bitch.
...
'Your therapist is very smart. I feel like I owe her a really big thank you for all the good she's brought out in my mate.
You have my permission, by the way. I've never stopped being your mate, Kookie. And I never will.'
'Okay so I'm gonna real with you.
I almost died at that selfie.
I was in class when I opened it and I let out a sound so loud my professor asked me what was wrong.
My mate is really out here looking like that.
Anyway, I gotta go, I'm trying to type this and walk to my next class and it isn't working out very well.'
...
"And you've only been checking it once a day?"
"Ye... okay no. Sometimes it's twice."
"Jin, we've talked about this."
"I know. But listen, I usually check it really late, right? After midnight. And then I'll check it again around mid-day. That's not cheating a lot, is it?"
"It's cheating a whole lot."
"I know. Namjoon, I know. I shouldn't. But he sounds so different. And it's making me really excited."
"Do you truly believe that Jungkook is capable of change?"
"I believe that all people are capable of change."
"But do you believe that Jungkook specifically is capable of it?"
"I do."
"And do you truly believe that he has?"
"I do."
"What is it you want to come out of all this? What's your end game?"
"It was to get closure. But now... I'm not sure. Ideally I would like to have my mate back, but I know that's me being optimistic."
"It would require a lot of change and forgiveness."
"I think I could do it. Forgive him, I mean."
"You are the most forgiving person I've ever met. I believe that's half you're problem."
"It probably is."
"What I think you need to do now is continue to follow the steps. You may continue to check the email twice a day, but no more. And when and if you are feeling comfortable, invite him to speak with you on the phone. No text. Keep the communication primarily to email. It gives you time and space to process and sort out your thoughts."
"Can I send him stuff? Selca's, I mean."
"I think it's a little soon, but everything should be done at your own pace. So if you're ready, then go ahead. But take things slow, Jin."
