Journey Back to Me

Chapter 1

Putting makeup on continues to calm me down as I flow back into my morning routine. My phone buzzes and I see a text from Jo, my best friend since pre-school.

*I just pulled up. You ready?*

I reply while laughing to myself, *Lol, yeah, be down shortly. You know you can come inside right? You basically lived here during high school.*

It was true. If we weren't at cheer practice, or out together, we were at one of our houses. Her family was like a second family to me, and the same was true for her.

My phone lights up a second time.

*I know but it's so cold. And early. I don't wanna wake anyone up.*

She's always been too polite for her own good. It's been one of the best things about having her around. She grounds me, and she always has. Whenever I was too dramatic or angry, she would be the one to call me out on it, whether she meant to or not. Hiding her emotions was never her strong suit.

*Fair enough, I'll be out in a minute. Just need to put shoes on* I reply and stick my phone in my purse before sliding on my favorite brown boots over my gray leggings. I check my peach-colored, oversized sweater in the mirror one last time before rushing out the door. A quick glance at the massive clock in our living room tells me it's 6:15 am, so I know my dad is awake and probably in the kitchen. My assumption is confirmed when I hear pots and pans clanging around.

"Morning, dad!" I say with a smile while I watch him struggle in the cabinets.

"We have too much shit! I can't wait to move to Florida and just sell everything!" He grumbles without taking his head out of the cabinet.

I giggle because he's been saying the same thing for ten years. "I'm going Black Friday shopping with Jo. I'll be back around 5. Do you need help with anything before I leave?"

He finally stands up and looks at me before scratching his bald head. "I think I'm good. Let me know if you find anything good for your mom's birthday. We really need to make it a good one this year."

I give him a half smile because I know what he's referring to. This is going to be her first birthday in three years that cancer hasn't been her main concern, so we need to make it extra special, even though he gets her pretty much everything she even mentions she might want.

"I'll keep you updated, for sure. Love you, Dad!" I give him a swift kiss on the cheek before heading out to Jo's car.

As I shut the door of the silver Chevy Equinox behind me, she seems startled.

"Geez, you scared me!"

"No, I didn't, you were just too buried in your phone looking at engagement pictures to notice me coming. I feel so abandoned," I tease her with a fake pout on my face.

She just got engaged to Matt, her high school sweetheart. As much as I give him shit, I do have to say, I'm glad they're together. It almost gives me hope for myself sometimes.

"I was not looking at engagement photos!" she defends herself with mock betrayal on her face, adding, "I was looking at bridesmaids' dresses. The wedding is soon, you know? I just want to be prepared."

"You'll have to show me when we get to Einstein Brothers', but first I need food," I whine as my stomach, almost on cue, starts obnoxiously grumbling.

"Got it. To bagels we go!" She puts the car in reverse as she backs down my driveway, and we begin to make idle chat that soon turns into gossip about our former classmates.

"Oh, god, SHE'S pregnant?" I burst out laughing as Jo nods her head with wide eyes.

"I know, right? Apparently she and the guy got hitched before they told everyone, but the timeline seems sketchy," she says before shoving a massive bite of everything bagel into her mouth.

I could always count on Jo to tell me what's going on. I haven't really kept up with many people from back home since I graduated, and that was largely on purpose. While I did have a lot of good memories tied to high school, I had way more terrible memories that seemed to follow me no matter how far away I went.

"What's wrong?" Her big blue eyes are full of curiosity as she notices my sudden change in mood.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I lie, even though we've been able to read each other like an open book since primary school.

"Liar," she points out the obvious. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about why you moved back home, but you could at least talk to me about it. I mean other than your parents, and your brother, who can you talk to about it?"

She's talking about February. February 13th of this year, to be exact. That's the day when everything finally fell apart and I learned that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was.

"Fine," I sigh, "but when I tell you what I'm thinking about, you have to promise not to freak out, OK?"

"Deal," she agrees, but she doesn't know what's coming.