Journey Back to Me

Prologue

I could feel my breath quickening while I tried to maintain some sense of composure. He can't hear me. If I just stay quiet, then I'll be fine.

"Come on, Michelle. I know you're in here." I could hear the wicked grin in Reece's voice, the one that he only had when I knew I was going to be seriously hurt. I didn't even have to look up at his deceivingly innocent face to know his dimples were on full show like they always were. I screwed my eyes shut so that I wouldn't have to look him in the eyes. "It's okay, baby. I know you want it. You always do."

That's never true. I never wanted him. I thought I did at one point, but those days were long gone. He's been nothing but a nightmare since the day I met him.

Suddenly, I know he's found me. I feel his thick, calloused hand on my thigh, and I try to scream, but it's as if my vocal cords have been ripped out of my throat. I make the mistake of opening my eyes...I shouldn't have done that. He's too close to me. The pressure of him on top of me is getting heavier and heavier, and it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try to scream—

I sit up quickly, too quickly, and it takes me a second to realize where I am. I'm not hiding in a bathroom at a party, I'm in my own bed, and I almost threw my poor dog off of it. I look at Toby's big brown eyes staring up at me wondering why I just tried to shove her away.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie," I choke out through the tears as I rub her ears and kiss her head. I can still feel the cold sweat leftover on my clammy skin from yet another nightmare. I'm so sick of this shit. I really need to get back into therapy. What was Deena saying at our last appointment? Something about REM or EDM or something? Whatever. Apparently, it helps people with PTSD. It only took me seven years to admit to myself that was part of the problem.

I take a hot shower – too hot, probably – and try to scrub the memories and guilt off of me. As I'm wrapping my mahogany toned hair in a towel, my mind drifts off to thoughts of what my life would've been like if I'd just listened to everyone instead of engaging in such self-destructive behavior.