Journey Back to Me

Chapter 4

Black Friday

"Oh my god." Jo just stared at me for a minute.

I looked down at the table to avoid her intense blue eyes. "Yeah. That's how it happened. Crazy shit." I mumble, unsure of how to confidently act when laying everything out on the table like that in public. "You know about how everything was after that. After my parents, you were the first and only person from home to find out." I sat there thinking about it some more while picking at my bagel. I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.

"You told me about the hospital and the BHC, but you never told me about the whole...you know...." She is referring to the pills and I'm not going to sit here and make her say it because I can tell she's getting upset, so I quickly change the subject.

"Did I tell you about the guy with 6 fingers? Not on one hand, but total. It was so bizarre. 4 on one hand, 2 on the other. He also had no teeth," and I continued on with the funnier stories, because those were much more pleasant to talk about.

We spent the rest of the day Christmas shopping and gossiping until she finally pulled into my driveway.

"Thanks for driving me! I'll see you later next week?" I ask, referring to plans we had made while we were out today.

"Yeah, definitely," she answers, but her voice is distant.

"What's wrong?" I ask, because she's still too easy to read. To be fair, I guess am too. That's what happens when you spend the better part of twenty years with each other.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, of course I do." This was weird. I mean, we had talked about everything earlier, but I thought it was fine by now.

"Why did you think I didn't? I know that when you moved to Florida, we didn't talk that much or see each other or anything, but did you really think I didn't care about you?" She's about to cry. I hate it when she cries.

I take a deep breath and answer carefully, "Jo, there's something you need to understand. I'm sick. Chemically, something was unbalanced in my head that made me think that way. I know that you love me, and I hope you know that I love you. You're my best friend in the entire world and nothing could ever change that. I've got a shit ton of issues, but I'm working on getting better because I don't want to ever put you or my family in that position again. I promise, I would never do that to you again."

Great, now we're both crying. We hug each other goodbye, and I grab my bags out of the back seat.

When I walk into my house, my parents are both in their recliners. My dad is fast asleep, and whenever he snores, the blond mustache at the top of his gaping mouth flutters a little bit. I smirk to myself and kiss my mom on the forehead before heading upstairs to my room. I don't get past the third step before she asks, "So what were you and Jolie talking about for such a long time in the driveway?"

She looked up at me over her pink rimmed reading glasses while I tried to figure out whether or not I wanted to tell her. My poor mother has been through so much, and while I don't want to rehash this with her, she is the strongest person I know. I decide I should tell the truth.

"February," I breathe out quietly while looking down at my feet.

She takes a moment before taking her glasses off and looking at me. "And why were you scared to tell me that?" Damn it. She's the only person better than Jo at knowing my thoughts.

Do I tell her the truth? She'll be so pissed. When my mom found out I was in the hospital, she spent hours dry heaving because she thought I was dead. Anytime I think about her finding out, a guilt consumes me that I can't control.

"I need to ask you something, but I'm scared you'll get mad," I can hear the shaking in my voice. I hate talking about it because I know I'm about to cry.

She looks confused, so she just nods and says, "If it's about February, I won't be mad at you."

"Not at me...at your mom," I keep staring at my feet.

My own mother looks at me with a fire in her brown eyes I hadn't seen before. "What did she say to you?"