New Students // NCT Renjun

'Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs'

I tried hard to keep my anxiety in check, but this whole situation was freaking me out.
After my father had pretty much forced me to go and even had helped me pack my things, I'd spent the rest of the week thinking about what could happen during this weekend. Since I was sure that Renjun didn't like me the best case scenario would be that we had separate rooms and nothing uncomfortable happened.
Then today, on April 21th, he had picked me up in the evening and after an one hour flight we had arrived in Seoul. I hadn't seen anything yet because we'd been greeted and driven home by his aunt right away, but she had promised that we would have lots of time to see Seoul tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
Now here we were, sitting at his aunt's dining table and eating while his aunt energetically kept talking about Seoul.
"Of course it's hard living in such a big city, it's always noisy and crowded, but really, all the great things here are worth it, you absolutely have to visit Gyeongbokgung, it's like this historical Korean palast, it's really cool, oh, and you have to go to Myeongdong, there are so many good restaurants and shops there." This went on for almost an hour until she realized that all three of us had finished eating.
I offered helping her clean up, but she refused and pointed down the hallway. "The last room on the left is yours. I didn't have another spare room, so one of you either has to sleep on the mattress I prepared or on the couch."
I would have loved to take the couch, but Renjun took both our bags and nodded towards the hallway. "'kay, let's check out the room then."
I followed him down the hallway and with every step my heart seemed to get heavier. The last thing I wanted was another almost-kiss, even though a tiny part of me was almost hoping for it. Let him come closer. Actually kiss him this time. You know yourself that that's what you actually want. No, I told myself. My feelings would not be played with again.
Renjun put down our bags in a corner of the room. "You can take the bed if you want."
"What? Oh, no, it's fine, you take it."
"No really, I'll sleep on the mattress this time."
"I'm just a guest, I'll-"
"Kids?"
I turned around to see Renjun's aunt standing in the doorway with a telephone in her hand.
"I'm really really sorry, but I have to leave you alone for awhile. My boss just called me, something very urgent came up at the workplace and he needs all the help he can get. I'll be back tomorrow morning at latest. You can watch TV all you want and there are snacks in the kitchen. I'm really sorry that this is so sudden, but I don't have much of a choice. Is this okay with you?"
Renjun and I nodded in a daze and she stormed out the room. Barely a minute later we heard the front door close.
"Now that was...sudden" Renjun noticed.
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock."
"What?"
"Sorry. It's still early, do you want to watch some TV? We can decide about who takes the bed later."
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
So we changed into our pajamas and moved into the living room. I deliberately sat down as far away from Renjun as possible. I didn't really care about what to watch, so we just ended up watching a random movie neither of us seemed very interested in. It felt just like the first time we hung out - both of us sitting there in awkward silence.
After a while Renjun finally broke the silence. But what he said caught me off-guard.
"Sofia." He had an almost begging tone in his voice. "Can we talk?"
My heart plummeted. "Yeah, of course. About what?" I could already guess what he wanted to talk about and I wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing.
Renjun suddenly seemed very interested in his hands. "The night of my birthday party, when you slept over at my house...what happened before my mom dropped the cup." His voice broke. I had never seen Renjun so insecure about something before. Only then I realized that maybe this whole thing affected him just as much as me, maybe even more.
Before I could say something he continued talking.
"Look, I'm sorry that I made you uncomfortable. I understand if you don't want to get closer to me, but can we at least go back to what we were before? I miss our weekly trips and coming over to your house. I can't stand seeing how uncomfortable you are around me. Please, I apologize for trying to kiss you. I-I'll stop liking you."
If my brain was a machine, it would have broken now. I was flooded with too many emotions at once. I wasn't sure what to think. I barely managed to form a proper sentence, "You...you like me?"
A single tear ran down his cheek. "I do. A lot."