The Fear of the Past

Severide's Fear

Severide's POV:

I walked up to Stella's hospital room door but I stop short when I hear her sister and her talking.

"You were always the 'perfect' one in the family." Rebecca seethed. A touch of coolness in her tone. "The one who always followed Dad's demands, the one who learned 6 languages fluently, took professional ballroom dances, played 4 instruments, 8 sports and were always winning awards just to please him." Rebecca's voice was cold.

Stella can play 4 instruments? I thought to myself. I didn't know that.

"Do you know why I did all those things? Or are you going to assume that you know everything?" Stella said her voice hardening.

"No I don't know. I assumed it was because you did it so he would be proud of you. So he would love you." Rebecca said quietly.

"I did it in hopes that he would focus on making me the perfect image of a daughter to fit his fantasy and maybe leave you be so you could have some normal childhood experiences. So by the time he was done with me, he wouldn't bother with you and you wouldn't have to go through what I did, what our older brother and sister had to. So you wouldn't have to do what he made me do."

"What did he make you do?" Rebecca whispered not sounding like she wanted to know the answer.

"It's not important. A story for another time." Stella said.

"Stella please—-"

"I told you I don't want to talk about it!" Stella snapped her voice raising.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Okay I'm sorry. But you'll have to tell me at some point seeming as I am going to be undercover soon."

What did Stella mean by not wanting her sister to go through "what she had to go through?" I stop myself before I can let my mind create answers to that question. I shake my head and push open the door before they can continue their argument. I look around at the scene in front of me. Rebecca is looking at me, her expression slightly annoyed at the fact I interrupted. I let my eyes wander over to Stella. She's sitting up on her hospital bed with her head in her hands.

"Hi." I mumble because it is all I can manage.

"Kelly." Rebecca nods. She turns to Stella. "I'm not done with this conversation." She says looking pointedly at Stella.

"Well I am." Shoots back her voice cold. It sends a shiver down my back. I've never seen Stella act so cold. Rebecca turns on her heel and storms out the door leaving me alone with Stella.

"Some good old-fashioned sibling bickering?" I offer trying to change the subject. Forcing a smile that I pray reaches my eye.

My smile doesn't convince her as she looks up at my warily. "Sure. Something like that."

"How do you feel?" I ask desperately trying to push the tension in the air away.

"Sore. But I'm fine."

I raise my eyebrow at her. "If you're in pain you can admit it ya know. It won't me see you as any less of a badass." I say gently nudging her arm.

She sighs. "I'm in a lot of pain. I just can't wait to go home."

"Well Dr. Halstead said you can go home today."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes. He was working on your paperwork when I got back."

"Oh, thank God!" She sighs flopping back on the bed, wincing as her back lands on the bed.

"Hey careful!" I say concern rising in my chest. "You're still hurt Stella."

"Thanks for reminding me." Stella pouts.

Stella signs her discharge papers and she gets settled in the wheelchair Maggie brought for her. As I wheel her to my car I realized I don't know where I'm taking her. "Do you want to go home?"

"Yeah. Can we just go home?" She asked looking up at me.

"Sure. Although I don't know how much stuff you have unpacked at my place."

"That's what I have you for." She laughs. "You can unpack my stuff for me...or I can just wear your clothes." She looks at my shyly.

"Oh, is that so?" I laugh.

"Yep." She says feigning seriousness.

After helping Stella onto my bed I head to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" I call out but I'm met with silence. "Stella?" Worried, I quickly walk to my bedroom only to find that Stella has passed out. I shake my head chuckling and I start to walk away, but I turn back to Stella and bend down to kiss her forehead.

Stella's POV:

I have a throbbing headache. My eyes flutter open. What time is it? My eyes scan the bedside table to Kelly's Alarm clock. 5:00 am. I'm surprised to find myself in his bed. My eyes move to Kelly who is asleep next to me. "Aww, how cute he's sleep talking." I think to myself.

"No!" Kelly yells. "She has to be okay. Fix her!....I need her."

I still. Recalling what was being said around me when I was unconscious.

"Casey what if she doesn't wake up?"

"Kelly you know Kidd's a fighter she'll come back."

"You don't know that!"

"Kelly you need to calm down."

"CALM DOWN?! What if she never wakes up and I don't get to tell her."

"Tell her what, Kelly?"

"How I feel."

I am pulled out of my memory when I hear Kelly say "I can't go through this again. I can't lose Stella too." My heart wrenches.

"Why can'r he ever be this vulnerable with me?" I think to myself. Before I can stop myself I'm reaching over to caress his face. "Shh. Shh. It's okay Kelly I'm right here. I'm right here." I whisper

It pulls him out of his dream and he looks up at me with watery eyes. "Stella." He mumbles his voice like a scared child's as he draws me closer and buries his head by my waist. I continue petting his head until I slip back into sleep.

Severide's POV:

I blink open my eyes to find Stella propped up asleep with her hand cradling my head. She wakes as I sit up. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay." She says her eyes searching mine. I pull myself up so I am propped up next to her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to my chest hugging her to me. Stella is silent for a few minutes sinking into my embrace.

"You're not going to lose me Kelly." She says lacing her hand through mine, bringing our interlocked hands to her lips and pressing a kiss to the back of my knuckles.

I stiffen. "Shit did I talk in my sleep?" I think. Stella shifts in my embrace to look up at me.

"I'm right here with you Kelly, I'm not going anywhere." Her eyes offering softness and warmth. I'm not even aware of what I'm doing by the time my lips are crashing onto hers. My kiss filled with fear and desperation. I pull back and bury my face in her neck.

"I was so scared." I whisper.