The Fear of the Past

Will Stella Tell Kelly?

Severide's POV:

"I was so scared." I whisper.

Stella snuggles closer to me. Just letting me hold her. The apartment silent as the sun rose as the weight of my fear hung in the air around us. Having this woman in my arms, feeling her there, I let myself fully feel what I had been pushing away. The feeling is intense, bubbling up in my chest I feel like I can hardly breathe but when I look down at Stella the feeling lets me breathe. After what seems like an eternity, Stella turns and runs her hand down my face cupping my cheek. I lean into the warmth of her palm. I can't look at her, her jaw is bruised. Her body littered with bruises and cuts. I can't bare to look at them.

"Hey." She says softy trying to move my face to look at her. "Kelly look at me." I force myself to look down at her unable to stop the tears pooling in my eyes. She shifts out of my arms and puts her legs on either side of mine facing me. She sits back on my legs and looks into my eyes.

"I'm okay." She whispers leaning forward to press her forehead against mine. A tear escapes from my eye and Stella reaches up to brush it away. Her eyes becoming watery too.

"Please don't cry Kelly. I with you. I'm safe. I'm okay." The feeling bubbles over in my chest as I put my hands on her waist.

"I love you." I whisper letting the words I had tried to hold in for so long finally escape. A few tears fall down Stella's face.

"I love you too Kelly."

We sit there with our arms around each other neither of us knowing what to do next. Stella settles into me putting her head in the crook of my neck.

"Don't you have to go to shift?" She asks glancing over to my alarm clock on the table next to her.

"Nah. Boden is calling in a floater Lieutenant for this shift." Stella roles her eyes at me.

"I'm fine Kelly. You don't need to stay here and babysit me all day."

"Hmmm. Yes I do. You are supposed to be on bed rest and I don't need you deciding you can go on an adventure today."

Stella pouts. "Fiiine." I grin.

"So, do you want breakfast?" Stella's eyes light up.

"Waffles?" She asks hopefully.

"Waffles it is." I let go of her and rise to make my way to the kitchen.

Stella's POV:

Kelly said it first. My mind is still reeling. Mr. I-avoid-emotions-and-don't-know-how-to-communicate said I love you first. I know if it had been the other way around and it was Kelly hurt, I'd be scared of losing him too. Tears prick my eyes. I shove the thought out of my mind before I can think about it any more. I should really take a shower. I slowly inch myself out of bed, my body screaming in protest. I have to take a couple of breaks before I am fully up out of bed. I make my way to the bathroom and turn the shower on.

"Stella?" I hear Kelly call.

"I'm just going to take a shower. Don't worry about me worry about not burning those waffles!" I call back. I take a deep breath and turn to look at myself in the mirror. Geez I look rough. I should wear long sleeves so Kelly can't see the bruises. I gently grasp the hem of my t-shirt, lifting it painstakingly slow. Frustrated, I quickly ship the shirt off the rest of the way. "Argh!" I utter out loud. Shit Kelly probably heard me. Right on cue I see him dash into the room.

"Are you okay?" He asks. A worried expression creeping onto his face.

"I'm okay. I got impatient and took my shirt off too quickly."

"Here let me help you."

"Kelly I can undr-"

"Stella! I'm helping you." His tone scolding, chuckling he helps me out of the sweatpants. Giving me a swift kiss on the forehead, he begins to make his way back to the kitchen.

"Yell if you need me." I role my eyes. "Stel, I'm serious."

"Okay, okay." I out my hands up in surrender. I carefully step into the shower. I let the warm water cascade over me. I reach for my shampoo and squirt some onto my palm. I try to lift my arm to the top of my head but my arm is too weak and my shoulders scream in pain. "Dammit." I mutter. I can't even wash my own damn hair. "Ugh!" I try again. No luck. Again. Again. Again. Tears of frustration make their way to the surface.

"Here." A voice behind me says. I whip around startled.

"Hey, it's okay. Just me." Kelly says as he opens the shower door.

"I can't lift my arm high enough to wash my hair." My voice cracking with frustration.

"Stella your injuries are going to take some time to heal. You almost died. Your body is going to need a while to come back from that." He takes the shampoo from my palm and massages it into my scalp. It feels so nice. "Hmm.." Kelly bends forward to get a little more from the bottle. When he finishes working the shampoo through my hair, he wraps his arms around me reach around to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"Time to rinse." He says moving me under the water. Reaching up he helps work the suds out of my hair. I look up at him and I realize he's still in his t-shirt and boxers.

"Kelly why did you come in the shower with your clothes still on?" He glances down at himself. Looking back at me he gives me a sheepish grin.

"I was more focused on getting to you than taking my clothes off." He shrugs, turning his attention back to rinsing out my hair. I reach up put my hand on his cheek, my fingers caressing the beard starting to grow in from days of not shaving. He looks down at me, concern etched across his face.

"I'm okay." I smile. "Thank you." I whisper.

"Anything for you Stella you know that." He says looking down at me confusion clouding his eyes. I arch my eyebrow at him willing him to say more even though I don't think he will.

"Why did you thank me?" Answering my unspoken question.

"Because you didn't have to drop everything to come save the damsel in distress but you did anyway." Kelly shook his head chuckling. "What?" I ask.

"Stella, you're my girlfriend. You almost died and I love you. And by some miracle you love me. Of course I am going to drop everything to help you." He said looking at me.

"You are very easy to love Kelly."

"You are the first person that has ever said that to me Stella. Even my mother would say it is hard to love me sometimes." My heart breaks. How does he not see how easy it is to love him? Before I can't say anything Kelly is working conditioner into my hair and I am lost in the calming rhythm of his massage.

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Stella's POV:

It is around 3pm when there is a knock on the door. I rise from the couch as Kelly answers the door. "Antonio, Hi." Kelly sounds surprised. Antonio walks in carrying two file boxes, a few other officers follow him in also carrying boxes.

"These are the files you requested Stella. I figured I'd drop them off while you were stuck and home so you have a chance to go through them."

"Thanks Antonio."

"No problem Stella. Let me know if you need anything else." He turns and makes his way to the door, closing it behind him.

"What's all this?" Kelly asks looking confused.

"This is all of the reports and evidence tied to my and my sister's past." I sigh. Do I really want to tell Kelly? Will he still love me? Will he still look at me the same? I limp over to one of the boxes and lift the lid off. "Well here goes nothing." Taking a deep breath, I reach in.