Barakah

- Apricot Farewells

31st May, 2020.

. . . . . . . .

Barakah

"We're home. . . Finally home" Kulthum's eyes sparkling with tears as the old country's sunshine warmth welcomed them.

Heat.

So much of it.

There was bustle everywhere around them getting out of the Capital's airport. Barakah had slept through almost all two flights. There was just something about being in air to her. It made her glummer than she already was at the reality that this was going to be her life now.

It also seemed, Yahya was just as pleased as she was. It was a miracle, Kulthum's enthusiasm had such a vibrant intensity. Their feelings of  displeasure just couldn't rear it's ugly head and ruin it all for Kulthum.

"I need to go to the bathroom" Barakah voiced. Yahya and Kulthum were both already a few steps ahead of her. Yahya just wanted to get it all over with and Kulthum was eagerly ready to face this familiar old world.

So eager that she staggered turning back to Barakah. "You know there're public toilets right? Can't you wait until you reach home?"

She looked right through her friend who's face had slightly fallen. "No, I can't. I have to go"

They were moving in different paths. Umm-Kulthum was headed directly to her father's house. He was here, somewhere.

To pick her up. .

Barakah figured the moment was going to be intimate and too consuming. Kulthum needed her there for assurance but Barakah was to wrapped up in her own self doubt.

It also stung at her chest a bit. Her friend would reunite with her Baba whom she was actually compassionate about. She wished it was the same for her.

"You never use public toilets. . . ." Yahya eyed her with awareness. "Go on, I'll lead the way with Kulthum if she's okay with it?" He glanced at her hesitantly.

Kulthum's discomfort was clearly written on her face, they could tell she was holding tight to her bag of nerves but nodded anyhow.

"When you're out, call me. I'll come to you on the way. Malam Abu, zan dawo ma Amal" Yahya told their father's personal driver who had come to deliver them home.

Barakah nodded and turned the other way round. Not dismissing the glint of hurt in her friends eyes. She just couldn't help it, Nigeria unsettled her. The city Abuja, hummed apprehensiveness into her ears.

All sensory was begging her to run.

Doing all she can not to rush and run like a maniac to the bathroom. She loses it when she's facing her reflection in sink mirror. Moulding fists beside her shoulders, she could feel her chest wanting freedom. Some remedy of relief as it hit at her rib cage.

Why didn't she take her pills out?

This wasn't her first time coming back home yet she'd always get these attacks whenever she landed in the country. But never with such harshness as she rinsed her face over and over again.