Caratland [Seventeen FF]

-42-

The next day I woke up with a headache. I have to admit I didn't stop thinking of what Jeonghan and Seungcheol said. In some way I can understand why they think like that since I always stick around Soonyoung. I just feel comfortable around him. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with your best friend all the time, right?

I made myself ready and went to the amusement park, starting sorting out the coins. I've been so immersed in doing my work that I didn't notice Chan talking to me.
"Are you even listening?", Chan suddenly asked. I turned to him, startled as he pulled me out of my thoughts. He sighed since he noticed I didn't listen. "I said that today won't be so many customers so you can slow down on that sorting out", Chan repeated and pointed at the silver coins. Oh, right. It was chinese new year season... I stopped and put the box down and sighed. "Oh, look there's Soonyoung!", he suddenly said and pointed to the front. I looked to that direction and saw Soonyoung with Hansol. They were chatting about something funny since Soonyoung was laughing. His laugh was cute indeed. But why is he with Hansol anyway? Hansol has Seungkwan. Soonyoung's my best friend. I should make him laugh like that, not Hansol.
I quickly looked away, walking over to the ducks to check on them.

"Hey, Jihoon", Soonyoung greeted me happily. Something pissed me off. My mood suddenly dropped that fast and if I could I would question his behaviour. Wait... am I being jealous right now? Confused by myself I stopped checking on the ducks, moving on to the cans. "Do you still have some tangerines that I gave you last time?", he asked. I looked at him as he took out the boxes filled with coins. Today was a surprisingly hot day for winter season, having him wearing a t-shirt instead of a sweater. I didn't know that his arms were trained like that... "Jihoon?", Soonyoung asked again, getting up and catching me staring at him. Exposed, I quickly looked away. It still feels nice to hear him call me.
"Yeah, why?", I asked back, focusing on the cans again. Why does my heart pound so fast?
"Can you give me some? Lately I've been craving them again. They remind me of old times, maybe that's why", Soonyoung asked.
"Yeah, after work", I replied, without looking at him.

The day passed quicker than I thought. It was evening and Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Jisoo, Minghao, Jun, Soonyoung and I decided to eat waffles.
"So you think it's better hiding the truth than telling them?", Soonyoung asked Jisoo. They were talking about a thriller, were the protagonist died because he kept the secrets for himself. I was sitting in the corner, drinking a strawberry milkshake by myself.
"I mean, if I tell others, they might be a chance that we all survive, but if we fail we would all die", Jun said.
"The question is: Do you want to die by yourself or have a chance to survive, by risking other lifes?", Jisoo concluded.
"I would tell others. If you think from the beginning that you're going to die, then there isn't any chance of you surviving in the first place", Soonyoung shrugged his shoulders, taking a big bite of his chocolate waffle.
"I would risk it, dying together is better than alone", Minghao confessed, receiving shocked reactions of the others.
"You didn't change a bit, you heartless frog", Jun shook his head disappointed.
"It's not like it would happen in the first place", Minghao shrugged his shoulders.
"How about you, Jihoon? Let's say you could survive, but you'll have to drag Soonyoung on boat. Would you still do it?", Jeonghan turned to me, having a suspicious grin plastered on his face. Suddenly everyone turned their attention to me. I looked around until I met Soonyoung's eyes. I couldn't tell his emotion, but I got immediately immersed by his pupils. Why can't I look away? I quickly came to my senses and looked away embarrassed, feeling my cheeks heat up.
"I would die alone", I mumbled, casually hiding my right cheek by supporting my head on my arm. I could hear Jeonghan and Seungcheol giggling like little girls sharing secrets, making me instinctly roll my eyes.

After finishing our waffles we separated with Jisoo and Minghao since they wanted to go drink some wine at Jisoo's world. Soonyoung was talking to Jun, while I stayed at his left side. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were staying at the back and I could imagine what their topic of the conversation was.
"Hey, Jihoon! We want to ask you something", Jeonghan called me over to them. I rolled my eyes already making excuses up in my head.

"So still convinced you like Soonyoung as a friend only?", Jeonghan asked, grinning happily.
"Can you stop asking questions like these?", I asked annoyed.
"Why? Do they make you flustered?", Seungcheol questioned, also grinning.
"When I answer with 'yes', are you satisfied?", I sighed. Jeonghan and Seungcheol switched looks.
"Maybe", Jeonghan shrugged his shoulders. I rolled my eyes and went back to the front, where Soonyoung and Jun were, still hearing the giggles from the supposed to be oldest of the team.

"We were talking about Woozi. I think 'Jihoon' would've fitted better", Soonyoung thought aloud.
"I would've called it Woozel, if Mingyu wasn't for Woozi", Jun said. I wanted to take part in that conversation, but decided to shut my mouth. It was pointless anyway.

At the hotel I quickly went into my room. That whole 'I like Soonyoung'-thing goes on for too long. How can a person like me have a crush on a person like Soonyoung? I'm way too not confident and had a way to dark past to be together with a person like Soonyoung. Also he wouldn't like me anyway since he probably likes girls and-... Why am I even thinking about things like that?
Annoyed by myself I rumpled my hair. Then I suddenly heard a knock on my door. I got up and opened it to see Soonyoung standing there with his cute and friendly smile. I could see it everyday and never get sick of it...
"Can I get some- what happened to your hair?", his smile faded as he looked to the top of my head.
"Nothing!", I quickly said, pushing it down while feeling my cheeks heat up again. "You wanted tangerines", I reminded myself and walked to the back to get the whole bag, pushing it rather harshly into his arms.
"Thanks but I don't need-"
Before he could even finish his sentence I quickly threw the door shut. My face probably resembled a tomato at this point. What the hell is wrong with me?

Trying to calm myself down I played that game that Soonyoung and I recently discovered. I was killing a bunch of pigs, when I remembered that Soonyoung would usually kill them. He would always protect my back in this game. I wish he would do that in real life too...

Losing interest in this game, I got myself ready for bed. I don't have a crush on Soonyoung. When you have a crush on someone, you usually see the person in a different light, overthink every action you do, get jealous over stupid things, keep imagining weird stuff about the person, get embarrassed about basically everything you do and-... This criteria would fit in my situation. I don't have a crush on him. Okay, I might have a crush on him. But I can't. He would never consider me more than just a friend, right? If I keep avoiding him I'm able to forget him, right? I shouldn't have a crush on my best friend, especially if that friend could never in any possible way like you the way you like him. I might be delusional at that point and maybe just like him a lot, like in "I have a crush on you a lot". Who am I even trying to convince? I can't do anything against this feeling anyway, can I?

Out of 8 billion human on this planet, you definitely had to fall for a guy and that guy had to be your teammate and best friend, great job Lee Jihoon.