In Case You Didn't Know

Chapter 23

Abigail

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Stanford, California

September, 2021

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"I shouldn't have to ask him to break up with her, to pick me." Her voice is raspier than usual, but then again, that happens when you cry heart wrenching sobs. It seems that's everything she does lately, crying. My own heart constricts and today more than ever I find myself wishing I could squeeze her in my arms. "And even if I wanted to, how could I ask him that after–"

"Alexia." This, I won't allow. "This is the last time I'm saying this. Stop self-sabotaging yourself and most importantly stop wallowing in guilt; I thought we were past that."

"We are. I promise. It's just confusing– I don't want to be the one wrecking a relationship."

"You won't. That's his decision. But you have to make it outstandingly clear that you won't be his dirty mistress or whatever he has in mind." I've been giving my greatest effort to smooth things out of her, to be patient with her. Most of all, to be the best friend that she needs. Given the situation, I can imagine how burdensome it must be walking in her shoes. I don't know how I would cope if Zack fell in love with someone else during this time that we're commuting. Then of course, we're engaged, so it's a very different situation. What I'm scared, however, with Alexia, is how difficult she's finding it to stand her ground. I could count with the fingers of one hand the limited things that she wouldn't do for Nathaniel.

"By the way, I'm pleased to inform you that Zack and I have set a date for the wedding."

"You're kidding?"

"So little confidence you have in me?" I wouldn't blame her, not entirely. I myself doubted my own capacity to set a date for the wedding.

Two people meet each other. Sulky, self-contained guy meets scintillating outspoken girl. Contrary to what contemporary fiction might tell you, they fall in love instantly. Yes, love at first sight, soul mates, instalove, whatever you want to call it. The moment I laid eyes on Zachary Tobias Gelting, I knew he was the one I'd grow old with.

After three years of dating, having survived the hurdles of long-distance and, just in the middle of discovering the pleasantries of living together, he gets down on one knee. Your romance novel might tell you that the lucky girl can barely allow enough time to do the proper arrangements before they walk the aisle. Well, I'm not that girl.

Zack and I have been engaged for over two years, now. I love him–wildly, unreservedly. But until not long ago, there was this intruding, irritating high-pitched voice on the back of my mind telling me that marriage life could not ever, ever, come close to the marvelous, joyful, breathtaking, moments that we had as boyfriend and girlfriend. Naïve of me to think, thank you. Now I know that.

Took me long enough considering that I'm a psychologist. But the true fear was against me; that I wouldn't be up for the challenge, that somehow I was going to fail him. Fail us. I am a care giver you see. Unless I'm taking care of others, it's hard for me to see what place I have in their life. That's one of the things Zack and I have argued the most over the years. As far as our relationship is concerned, we came to a close tie. He's the most protective, attentive man that I know. If he was providing that for our marriage, what could I possible bring as a wife? It's not the what, it's you. Abigail, you are what I'm lacking. You and every bit of you.

"Well, tell me!"

"March 17th." I say cautiously, holding my breath in wait of her reaction. "I know it's the weekend of your birthday but the next available date for the venue we want was July."