In Case You Didn't Know

Epilogue

The amount of anxiety that I have had in the last week surpasses any amount of giddiness, restlessness, and sleepless nights that I've had to deal with before. But it's not the bad kind of anxiety, I think; the trace of fear in it is completely lacking.

In fact, every shortness of breath, every moment of uneasiness, has been followed by a smile so big every muscle in my face ached.

What's been the hardest of it all, it's not being able to talk it out with Nathan. I'm not sure how he's going to react. At first, I think that he's going to be pissed at me for not telling him before. But there isn't much that I can do now. I'm already in the middle of it. We both are.

The sound of keys being dropped on the entryway table lets me know that Nathaniel is home. A few moments after I hear him walk into the kitchen, cautiously dropping his briefcase on the floor. It's one of those days, I realize at once. When he gets home and pretends to surprise me, when in reality I feel him since the moment he crosses the main door. I always act startled, anyway, because how could I ever deny myself the joy of seeing that pleased smile on his face?

He has a more solid schedule at the university now that he's got tenure, so I always know the exact time he's coming back home. Except on Mondays, when he stops by the flower shop near campus to buy me a new bouquet for my desk. Oh, and Wednesday –that's pool night with Roger, also known as movie night for Amelia and I.

Babysitting Mika is about to take a dramatic turn...

Just as I'm finishing slicing the strawberries for dessert, his arms surround my waist from behind, his warmth breath caressing my neck. I smile at once, letting out a now practiced jolt.

"Hello, wife."

"Hello, husband." The grin on my face spreads. I loll my head back, leaning against his chest. I'm certain that I'll never be able to get used to call him my husband, to hear him call me his wife. Even with our first wedding anniversary lurking around the corner, I still catch myself now and then staring enthralled at the golden band on my finger.

Nathan drops a kiss on my cheek and then examines the contents of the casserole on the stove.

"Spaghetti with lobster pomodoro." He takes a big inhalation of air, slightly pulling back from me. "Did I forget something important?"

"No, I just wanted to cook something nice." With his hands still holding a firm grip on my waist, I turn around and peck his lips.

"What am I going to do a whole week without you?" I giggle at the way his eyebrows knit together, a slight pout on his lips.

"Miss me," I loop my arm around his neck, threading my fingers in his hair. He leans in, his mouth pressing fully against my lips. "And plan clever ways to welcome me home when I get back."

Sadly, I'm leaving for New York tomorrow. And I say sadly, because Nathaniel is not coming with me, and we haven't been apart from each other for that long since we got married. My book tour kicks off on the east coast this weekend, and although Nathan tried to move some meetings to come with me, it proved to be undoable.

Halfway through dinner, when I think that I can't delay telling him what I must for much longer, new waves of anxiety start crippling through my body. Deep breaths, Alex. Think happy thoughts. I'm going to need to call Abigail right after this, regardless of how it plays out. Deep breaths, happy thoughts. Not even that discussion about our vows rendered me so nervous –because, obviously, we had to write our own.

"No peeking." I pull my notepad towards my chest, away from Nathaniel's prying eyes. He clicks his tongue, moving back to his end of the sofa.