We're all mad here, it's Wonderland.
~
Harry latches onto my passionate on-beat arms as he keeps me from moving forward. "Are you fuckin' mad?" He grits through his teeth.
"I'm in Wonderland, Pretty Boy," I throw my free arm in the air, motioning t...
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~
Memories.
~
Breathe, Presley.
My body sits dormant on the couch, the last rays of light coating the the colorless room as I allow my mind to wander. Well, not really allow, more enable.
I'm okay.
The chattering of my teeth makes it feel as though the room is ice, freezing my tears as they exit. I focus my breathing, the sharp feeling of emptiness fighting through my cracked soul.
I'm okay.
A muffled sob escapes my lips, my head falling to my hands as a tear lands on my knee.
I'm not oka-
I'm okay.
This isn't a feeling of heartbreak or a feeling of quick, searing agony. This is deep within; The pain that prematurely buries you six feet under.
You begin to sink, the initial suffering snapping you alert as you try and pull yourself out. You fight whatever, whoever, is burying you, choking through the suffocation as your breath is slowly stollen.
Soon, you lie back, allowing darkness to engulf you as a few more weary tears fall. No matter how hard you try, how hard you fight, you accept that you are taking your final breath. For some, that last breath is terrifying; But for others, that last breath is the goal.
Your life flashes before your eyes, the beauty of what should have been bringing you peace as you inhale one last time; the infinite darkness seeming better the artificial light.
That's how my pain was, that's how I felt when I locked the joyful parts of my brain in a cage, forgetting the combination as I backed away without regret.
I convinced myself that feeling nothing would be better than feeling too much.
"Stop it," I whisper to myself, my voice begging silence as my body continues to crumble under me. I don't even know why I am trying to compose myself, I'm home alone. Maybe, there is still a small part of my inner that is hurting as well, my crying only pressing its trigger button as I fall apart.
Or, maybe it's the part of me that is humiliated of who I have become. Even when no one is watching, I still feel as though I have to hide.
My busy days have kept me from succumbing to my mind, the dream-filled spontaneity distracting me from my grating reality.
The golden sun mocks me, blinding me through my glossy eyes. My cheeks rest on my clasped hands, eyes barely above a squint as I peer outside.
The world bustles, everyone tending to their own lives, unaware of the sobbing girl in the apartment complex. However, the sobbing girl remains just as unaware of their own battles.
