The Minutemen: United We Stand

Chapter 30

"I'm losing my mind again... I'm hallucinating..." Nora said, pulling away from Nate's embrace and searching the room. It was their bedroom, but before the war - pristine.

"Does it matter?" Nate asked as he sat up and watched her. "You seemed like you needed someone to talk to."

"But why you?!" Nora screamed, her hands clutched to her chest. "I'm trying to move on!"

"Are you?" Her husband stood up and walked up to her, the breadth of his shoulders familiar - inviting. "Seems to me whenever you're close to moving on, you find some way to come crawling back."

"Fuck you, Nate! You're haunting me!"

His face darkened. "You never used to swear... that's new."

"Stop it..." Nora shook her head, turning to the window and staring out at the green, busy street. "I can't do this!"

"Do what?"

"I can't handle this!"

"Handle what?"

Nora whirled on him and slapped him on the chest, shoving him back. "Shut up! I can't be expected to carry all of this responsibility! I can't make these decisions!"

"But you're the only one who can make these decisions, Honey." His voice was soft, patient. As usual.

"Damn it, Nate! It's too much!"

"Right..." he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Having people who care about you? You'd better push them away. I mean, it's the only rational thing to do."

"What?! No! You know what? Fuck you! You and your patronizing bullshit! That's not what I meant-"

"Then what did you mean?"

She panted as she stared at him, his eyes so damn sad. "I... I don't..."

Nate stepped toward her and held her arms, rubbing them as he bent down and stared into her eyes. "You're overthinking, Honey. You need to stop using this," he tapped her forehead, "and use this," he pressed a hand to her heart.

"But... Nate..." Tears fell down her face as her body convulsed with sobs. "I'm terrified!"

"I know..." he murmured as he pulled her against his chest and held her. She pressed her cheek to his sternum, listening to his heartbeat as she cried. "That's why I'm watching over you. You always used me to find your bravery..."

"You were my bravery-"

"No, no, you're the brave one." He kissed the top of her head and cupped the back of her neck. "You just had a hard time finding it without me. But I'm gone, Nora. You can't keep using me to find your courage..."

Nora pulled back and stared into those brown eyes. "What?"

"You think of me when you need to be brave. You always compare yourself to me when you're scared. And when you're looking for a reason to be afraid... you think of me." He kissed her forehead and then pressed his forehead to hers. "But when you were giving birth to our beautiful baby, it was you who gave me strength. When I was fighting in Anchorage, it was you who gave me the courage to make it through the fight. When I was waiting for you at the alter, it was you who gave me the guts to marry you. You were my strength. It was always you."

Nora closed her eyes and breathed in Nate's scent. "I can't do this without you..."

"You already have been. And that's good, I want you to be happy, Nora. I want you to stop torturing yourself for my sake. Because watching you tear yourself apart... it's killing me all over again."