Take on Me

18

¤ Heal
Tom Odell ↲

Take my mind
And take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

You can touch me if you want.

That line kept repeating in Taehyung's mind as he headed over to Yoongi's poetry reading. In all honesty, it was something he thought quite a lot about since Thursday night. Receiving permission to touch and not pushing stated boundaries were completely new concepts to Taehyung.

To put it quite simply, Taehyung never felt so safe or respected as he did with Jungkook. That boy was beginning to challenge everything Taehyung grew up believing.

Because for ten years, Taehyung only knew two truths:

To touch was to be selfish; it was stealing and claiming ownership over something that didn't belong to another person.

And to be touched was painful; it was diminishing and it stripped all sense of worth away from you.

But maybe those two beliefs weren't exactly true.

When Taehyung touched Jungkook, the younger didn't seem to be in pain. The elder was hyperaware of each and every breath Jungkook took; he watched for any flinch of discomfort or any sound indicating he didn't like what was going on. But each step of the way, Jungkook assured him he was enjoying Taehyung's touches. Every gasp and moan was made out of enjoyment and pleasure, not out of fear.

And Taehyung didn't feel like his hands were violating Jungkook in any way. Instead, he set out to appreciate and pay tribute to someone he deeply cared about. It was true that his touches were exploratory and intimate, though it was different . . . Taehyung received permission to interact with Jungkook that way.

Everything was rooted in consent and respect. There was trust as well. And maybe their physical exploration was juvenile in comparison to other acts, but it gave Taehyung a glimpse into how things could be.

These last ten years were spent with Taehyung believing he'd live his life alone. He never once desired to be touched or embraced again. He was resolved to be that tainted and broken person who was ruined by prior experiences.

But he didn't want to be that person anymore.

Taehyung wanted to evolve into someone capable of being held without jumping, of being caressed on the skin without getting nauseous. Those things weren't feasible now, though perhaps he could work up to that. After all, Jungkook's kisses and hands on his hips were okay . . . Hell, they were more than okay. His body had a very positive reaction to those touches.

Remembering his arousal - as well as Jungkook's - brought butterflies to his stomach. Thursday night was the first time he'd ever been aroused by another person and now he wanted to explore everything more.

Thinking about it further, it was quite simple. Taehyung wanted to feel the rest of Jungkook's body. He wanted to hear what other sounds the boy could make. He wanted to make Jungkook feel good.

Maybe the best thing to do was to just follow his gut. If something felt right in the moment, maybe he'd be open to exploring that instead of instantly shutting down. Taehyung really didn't want to push Jungkook away if he could help it.

All he wanted to do was heal and move forward.

Before he could give it further thought, he arrived at a pit stop to his final destination.

The night was warm as he got out of the car, striding up to the door and knocking confidently. There was movement on the other side and then he was staring at Jungkook.