The Gods of Song and Poetry

Chapter 49 - Dating Advice

Chapter 49 - Dating Advice

I woke up alone in Kala's bed. Her windows had been open all night, and a cool but comfortable breeze blew in. The sunlight promised a beautiful morning outside, even though it hurt my eyes to open them for too long. The fresh, cool smell of the lake with just a hint of fish was inviting me to enjoy the water. I lifted my head off the pillow, then put it right back down.

"So, this is what a hangover feels like," I thought.

In all honesty, it wasn't that bad. My stomach was a little sour, and I had a dull headache, but nothing like what I imagined it would have been if Tara hadn't cut us off and started forcing us to drink water.

I gave myself a minute to replay everything that happened last night as I let my head settle back down. I noticed two pills and a glass of water on the table next to the bed, along with a delicate pink daylily in a small vase that hadn't been there before. There was a note that said, "Good morning, Beautiful! Breakfast on the deck when you're ready." It was in Kala's austere, practical handwriting.

I swallowed the pills and sipped on the water as I digested what had happened. I had an uncomfortable epiphany. Last night I acknowledged that I had feelings for Kala. As long as Kelly was around, I had buried them. I never would have admitted to myself that I could have feelings for anyone but my girlfriend. That's not how True Love was supposed to work. I was faithful to Kelly in both mind and body. My heart was on a very short leash.

The more I came to terms with Kelly leaving, though, the more I saw the past year in a different light. I had noticed Kala's nearly mythological beauty a long time ago, of course. In that, and in almost every other way, she was my superior. Her confidence was far greater than mine, making her the life of any party she was at. She was bold in her sexuality. Whether she chose to be intimate with someone or chose to abstain from sex, it was purposeful...well, minus the Tara incident. She was educated, smart, driven. She wielded authority easily when coaching, but had a sensitive side that could comfort a friend.

I slowly sat up and leaned back against the headboard to encourage the fog in my head to clear a little. Love...friendships...they had been so simple when Kelly was my girlfriend. Everything was different now that I was single. I still ached for Kelly, but as my grieving process progressed, I had been letting forbidden thoughts about Kala surface. I even imagined that perhaps, just maybe, Kala had feelings for me, too.

I couldn't understand why she would. I was sort of pretty, I guess, but I didn't have much in the way of a notable body or remarkable face. I got good grades, but I wasn't a stand out intellectual. I was fit, but not an athlete. In short, I was an average person who worked really hard to be somewhat above average. But Kelly? Kala? They were legends among women. Kelly had admired me because I was older, I was out of the closet, and (compared to her) confident. She gave me a chance, and we fell in love.

Kala was a different story. There was nothing about me to attract a woman like her. Sure, we had become friends, but I didn't dare believe she could be interested in me for a more intimate relationship. Yet, every now and then, there were hints of something more. A comment, a suggestion, a lingering touch...

Last night I had been shown just how deluded I was. Kala was clear when she refused to kiss me. She wanted love, she said. If she and I were to do something, it would only be sexual to her. She wanted something special. Not what she felt for me. Sure, she had a fling with Tara, but I guess I just wasn't tempting enough.

So, what's a girl to do? Where should I go from here? I was embarrassed that I had been turned down by Kala, and part of me wanted to tell myself that I didn't really want her anyway. It wasn't true, though. Sure, I wasn't ready for another full blown relationship, but going on a date with Kala would have been nice, we didn't have to have sex. We could have taken it slow and seen if there was something there. Kala had shot that down without hesitation. She didn't return those feelings.