The Gods of Song and Poetry

Chapter 61 - Not The Shadow Of The Past

Chapter 61 - Not The Shadow Of The Past

I hated that no camera could ever seem to capture her true eye color or halo of fire. Rizzy had made her laugh as the picture was being taken, so she had a weird half-smile and squinched up eyes. By far, it was the cutest photograph I had ever seen. We had just gotten our school pictures back that day, and I sat on my bed admiring the one Kelly gave me. As soon as I got home, I dug through my mom's stash of old picture frames to find one suitable for Kelly's image. Of course, none were quite good enough, but I found one that would serve until I could find a better one. It was a cold day, and blowing snow was thrashing against the window, but I felt warm inside looking at Kelly's image.

I didn't recognize the song that was on my speaker, but I wasn't really paying attention to it anyway. When it stopped, instead of an advertisement or another song, I heard Kala's voice. It was from a conversation we had last year. She was describing what a visit home from college would feel like.

"Going home is a strange experience. You're back in your hometown where all your old friends are. You're sleeping in a room that still feels like home, and that you didn't realize you missed. Your family is surrounding you with familiar routines...it's like you take a step back into a comfort zone. At least, that's what it was like for me the first time I went back to Hawaii. Leaving for the mainland the first time was exciting. The second time...it was like ripping open a partially healed wound. I kept thinking about how much easier it would have been if I had just stayed there and lived a life with no surprises instead of heading off to a place where I knew almost no one and had to forge all new relationships. Leaving behind the life you spent eighteen years being comfortable with is harder when you're reminded of it. When you go home, it's easy to get sucked into the comforts of the past and forget about the future."

Going home again in a week for thanksgiving would be strange. I hadn't been back to Preston since I left for college. Would it feel like I never left, or would I feel like a stranger?

Another song came on the speaker as I put Kelly's picture on my nightstand and looked at the sun streaming in through my window. It was a beautiful spring day. I should go for a run.

I ran all the way to the stairs and observation platforms. My legs were shaky by the time I sat myself down on the edge of the top deck and rested my arms on the lowest board of the guard rail. I sat there for a bit, considering the mighty metropolis of my hometown from a bird's eye view.

As I forced air in and out of my lungs to catch up with the needs of my muscles, the sweat on my skin evaporated and cooled, giving me chills. A light drizzle was starting, and I knew I shouldn't stay still too long, but I needed this view, this perspective, at the moment. My hometown was spread before me in miniature. My whole life was there, encapsulated like a ship in a bottle.

From where I was, I could see the elementary half of the school I had attended for fourteen years. The middle and high school portion of the building was hidden behind the large Catholic church that Mey's family attended. Down the street from the school and across the two lane highway that ran through Preston was the little grocery store where Kelly had worked and where she first met Timmy. I could also see Nurse Annie's neighborhood just behind the school, and the clump of houses about a half mile away that started Tommy's part of town. A few blocks farther away, the town's only gas station was visible in front of the Baptist church that Xander's and Cindy's families, among many others, attended. Memories of youth groups with Cindy were surprisingly fun to revisit.

Kala was right. For seventeen years, I had always known what to expect from day to day. There were few surprises, save the one I created for myself on that fateful day just before I started high school. Life had been predictable. Those seventeen years of being more or less happy were followed by nine months of pure bliss, the kind that can only come from being truly and completely loved.