The Gods of Song and Poetry

Chapter 32 - The Wrong Reasons

Chapter 32 - The Wrong Reasons

"Looks like you had fun."

Kala grabbed her collar and tugged it up higher on her neck, attempting, and failing, to cover a large hickey.

"Don't remind me." She stepped away from her doorway and I followed her up the stairs into her apartment above the garage/out-building.

"What's the big deal? Isn't that what you college girls do at Halloween parties? Dress in sexy costumes, get drunk, and have random hookups? Don't tell me all those cheesy college movies I've watched lied to me."

"Analee...I just don't want you to think I'm still like that. I'm disappointed in myself. I said that my days of bed-hopping were over, and I was going to find something real, but..."

I got serious, because I could tell Kala wasn't in the mood to joke about it. "But what? I'm just teasing. I know I didn't get my first kiss until I was seventeen, but I'm no prude. If you want to have a night of fun, you don't need to apologize for it."

"I know, but I wanted it for the wrong reasons. I guess I was feeling pretty down. I wanted to feel loveable, and with enough alcohol it's easy to fool yourself into believing you're loveable just because someone wants to fool around with you. At least until the next morning."

"Aw, Kala!" I sat next to her on her couch and pulled her in for a cuddly hug. "You are loveable! I love you." She gave a short laugh, almost like a cough. "I'm serious!"

She leaned her head against me. "I know you are. I love you, too, Ani. You're a sweetheart. Don't worry. I'm a big girl. It's not like my heart got broken. I'm just...disappointed in myself," she said again. She leaned back on the couch and put her feet up on her coffee table, crossing her arms.

I brushed her hair out of her face. "Talk to me. I've never seen you like this. You're always so...powerful, confident. You and Tara are my two friends who are least afraid of their own sexuality. Why are you all of a sudden regretting a night of sex?"

She looked me in the eyes. "Because it wasn't with..." She stopped herself, then she looked away again.

"Wasn't with...?" I prodded.

"Wasn't with someone special."

"Kala, what's changed? You always acted so flippant about sex before, like it was really no big deal. Is this about that girl you were interested in?"

"I'm surprised you remember that."

"Of course I do! I didn't bring it up because I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would. Last I heard, you thought she might be in a relationship already."

"Yeah. It turns out she's in a pretty committed relationship."

"You really like this girl, huh? It's weird seeing you like this."

"Why?" Her eyes squinted a little. "You think I can't be serious about someone?"

"It's not that. I think if you met the right person, you would be the most wonderful partner imaginable. I just can't imagine you not being able to get any girl you want. You're too perfect." I decided to change gears to try and perk her up. "What's so special about this girl, anyway? What kind of girl does it take to win Kala's heart?"

She thought for a minute, and a smile spread on her face.

"Well, she's smart, for one thing."

"She would have to be to keep up with you. What else? Is she pretty?"

"Breathtaking. She doesn't think so, though. The first time I saw her it was like...like she was a little more in focus than anyone else I'd ever met."