The Gods of Song and Poetry

Chapter 51 - Two Masters

Chapter 51 - Two Masters

Tara walked into my dorm room ahead of me, and just as I shut the door she spun around and latched onto me with an uncomfortably tight hug.

"Enough of this bullshit, Analee! Okay? Just stop it!"

"Okay!" I agreed out of surprise more than anything. She hugged me for a good two minutes or so while rubbing my back and readjusting like she was trying to hug me closer. When she finally started to relax I cautiously asked, "What exactly am I stopping?"

She held me at arm's length. "The withdrawing and not talking to anyone. It hurts the people that care about you, ya know?" She took her glasses off and sat them on my desk. I watched her wipe her eyes and realized that she didn't even have make-up on.

"When you spent most of the summer in a funk, I missed the hell out of you, but I knew you had to deal with things your way. These last two weeks, though...you were withdrawing because of me. I was a total bitch to you, Ani. You didn't deserve that. You can't help the way you feel. All the wounds Kelly left you with were still raw, and I took it upon myself to punish you for not wanting what someone else wanted. I'm sorry."

With a sniffle, she pulled me into a more gentle hug. I let my guard down and relaxed into her, realizing how good it was to feel loved again.

"I'm sorry, Tara. You guys were so mad at me, I didn't think you wanted to talk. I didn't know I was hurting you."

"It doesn't matter anymore, honey. Let's just agree to stop the high school dramatics."

"Absolutely." Part of me just wanted to let it go, but my curiosity was killing me. "What do you mean I didn't want something someone else wanted?"

"Kala, silly. Who else?"

"Did you think I wouldn't want to be Kala's friend anymore or something?"

"No, Ani. It's just that the two of us wanted so much for you to be together that the disappointment was too much to bear. I let my anger get the better of me."

"Well yeah, but why were you mad at me? I was disappointed, too, but it doesn't matter what we wanted. Kala's just not into me in that way. It isn't her fault."

Tara, still holding me, leaned her head back to look me in the eyes. Her mouth was parted and her eyes squinted at me.

"Ani, that weekend, when I left you guys alone, you...?" I was confused why she wanted me to admit it, but I complied.

"I tried to kiss Kala."

"Because you wanted...what?"

I shrugged, not because I didn't know the answer, but because I didn't want to say it out loud. I summoned my courage.

"You and the girls kept saying there was something there, you know? Like, maybe Kala was interested in me. I guess I thought...maybe you guys might be right and Kala would want to, maybe...I don't know, try dating or something."

"What did Kala say when you tried to kiss her?"

I shrugged again, for the same reason as before. I made myself a promise that I would stop doing that.

"She didn't want to kiss me. She said she wanted more than what she felt for me. I don't remember her exact words. I was pretty drunk. She said she wanted love, not just a fling. Something like that."

Tara closed her mouth in a little frown and shook her head up and down just slightly. Her eyes focussed off in the distance and grew wider. I got the impression she was having a conversation with herself. I wondered if Tara had an angel and a devil, too.