Queries On My Confessions (Harry Styles)

Query 5

Dear Harry,

Do you know how it feels when death comes for you? I do. You feel desperate to run far away from it and when you realize there is no place to hide from it, you feel hopeless. You don’t know what is going on around you. Time passes like a flash of light and before you know, there is only one week to live. I was desperate, hopeless and now I am numb because I know there is nothing I can do. There is nothing I can do to run away from death. If someone asks me what is better; dying in an accident or dying from a disease? I would say dying in an accident. When you die in an accident, death comes without a warning and sweeps you away leaving sorrow. There is only a small moment of pain and then, it’s gone, you are gone. But when you die from a disease, you can feel death creeping near you slowly, slowly. First death taunts you, gives you sorrow and finally when you give up hope in everything it takes pity in you and takes you away. You can feel your breath getting shorter bit by bit.

And now, just one week before the delivery I feel nothing, I feel hollow. I just want this misery to end so that I could finally breathe air of relief. I am scared, happy, depressed and excited all at the same time. I sound like a cruel hearted bitch when I said I want this misery to end. This is our daughter I am giving birth to! But this is the truth. I want this misery of watching everybody I love cry for me to end. I do not want to be the reason behind their tears. I want to make everybody happy but I don’t know how! Death is better than seeing tears in your eyes Harry. And I die thousand deaths when you hide in the toilet to cry your heart out.

Do you remember the first time we made love? You were a virgin and I had felt honoured that you gave your virtue to me. I did not deserve such a precious gift but you still gave it to me. I had felt like a virgin that night because it was the first time I had made love with someone, not fucked.

Do you remember our first date? You took me to Brighton Pier. You were so anxious that I would not like it. I still have not gotten the chance to say it was the best first date I’ve ever went to. Every single day I have spent with you is special. And I want to remember those memories with you when I leave this world.

I know this past three months have been very tough for us. You barely smile these days and you have horrible dark bags under your eyes. Don’t even think I don’t hear your cries when you turn TV’s volume high. I know you are having a very hard time but I want you to smile, laugh. I don’t want to die seeing you cry and know the reason for those tears were me. I will try my best to make you smile this week, the only week I have left to live. And when I die, I want you to be happy again. I want you to find someone who can make you smile and laugh again. You deserve happiness Harry and promise me you will find someone to love again, someone to take care of our daughter.

There are so many things I want to do before I die but there is only one week left. One thing I am going to do for sure is go on a date with you to Brighton Pier and kiss you on the exact spot where we had shared our first kiss.

If someone asks me what is my last wish. I would say my last wish before I die is to see Angel in your arms. I want to see your mesmerizing smile, your twinkling green eyes and our daughter cradled in your arms. I want to hear our daughter’s first cry and your addictive voice for the last time. Then only I would feel relieved and satisfied when I die. I want to visualize the image of you and Angel when I close my eyes forever.

This is my last letter Harry. I kept them hidden in the closet because when I die, you will have something that will express my love for you.

Even if this is a end for me, it is a new beginning for you, for Angel. You still need to become a great doctor and help sick people. Angel still needs to grow up and become a beautiful lady. I wish I could see how she would look when she grows up. I know she will be a very beautiful and well mannered lady. I know you will love her with all heart but don’t you dare spoil her into a brat. I don’t want her to turn out like me. I wish I had a few years more, I could only wish.

I do not want to die yet. I want to have a future with you and Angel. I want to raise her with you, change her diapers, listen to her first word, teach her how to walk, braid her hair for school and pack her lunch box. The list is endless but there is no time. This is the bitter truth. There is no time. I am dying.

This is our sweet tragedy. Thank you Harry for coming into my life and making it better. You are a very precious God’s gift and I hope we will meet in next life.

At last all I want to say is I love you, with every single cell of my body. Even if I die my love for you and our daughter will never die. I want you to tell her that her momma loved her a lot. I want to you to take better care of yourself, be happy and live your life.

Goodbye Harry Edward Styles, my love, my life, my everything.

I love you.

Love Nadia.

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This is the last query but there will be a bonus one where you'll find out what happens after Nadia writes this letter.

Songs of this chapter are: Teardrop by Massive Attack, The Heart Wants What it Wants bu Selena Gomez, Fool's Gold by One Direction and Angel by Massive Attack. Teardrops's video is in the multimedia bar.