Bring Me Home

Chapter Twelve: Heart to Hearts

London, England.     January 15, 1889
We returned to the country house after our encounter with the Indian man and his butler. After super, I went up to my room to think. I still had not talked to Ciel about all I knew in all this time. Part of me felt guilty for hiding that I knew from him. The other part of me thought I should not be feeling such things when he hid this all from me for so many years.
I had not been doing well with planning my wedding either. I was already seventeen now and I had not even put much thought into it. I knew I would have to do so soon, but with Undertaker being busy as well, we just had yet to have much time together as well. I felt lonely without him. Especially now being in London and not too far from him. A knock on my door took me from my on going thoughts.
“My lady?” Sebastian peeked his head in. “Are you ready to retire to bed so soon?”
“I believe I will for now, thank you Sebastian.” I nodded to him and turned back to my vanity.
“Would you like any assistance?” Sebastian offered, as usual, though I was unsure why he still did. I turned down the offer for his help for most tasks since the night of Jack the Ripper.
“No, thank you though Sebastian. I shall call if I need anything.” I heard Sebastian sigh and the door close. I turned to face him and I saw the distraught in his eyes.
“My lady, you have been very distant for some time now, refusing my help for nearly every task. This is unlike you. May I ask, what is it that has made you turn away my help?” I took a shaky breath and turned back away.
“It is nothing, Sebastian. I can ready myself for bed, that is all. Besides, I am sure Ciel will require your help more than I.” I felt him behind me, and I prayed that he took my lie and went with it.
“Since the Jack the Ripper case, you have dodged me like a plague. I thought you had no memory from that night, since you had passed out that night and not said a word since. I gather from your behavior from the last few months that what I had thought is not entirely true, my lady.” I turned to look into his eyes, but I was unable to read his expression.
“You assumed incorrectly from the beginning.” I broke eye contact, looking down to the ground. “I do indeed remember the events that passed that night before I lost consciousness. I now know things that I wish I did not know. I was blissfully unaware and I was beginning to become happy again. Now I am wiser and I am confused at my feelings. My brother is contracted to you and I cannot do anything about it. I worry for him.” Sebastian said nothing as I spilled my feeling to him, so I continued. “Then I found out that my Aunt Ann died that night from something. Was it you?” I looked up to him again slowly.
“No, my lady. I did not kill Madame Red.” I released a breath I had no idea I was holding until I did that. “Is that why you had been avoiding me, my lady? Because you assumed that I was the one that ended your Aunt’s life that night.” Was it true? Had that been my main reason?
“Partly, yes.” I nodded. “But not the only reason.”
“Do you fear me?” Yes, I thought without hesitation.
“Should I not?” I questioned, looking into his brown azure eyes again. Still, they held no feelings. He was impossible to read.
“Though I understand your feelings of fear towards a being like myself, I am of no danger to you, my lady. You are the young master’s sister. Though you complex me at times, yourself, you need not fear me.” I had no idea how to respond. I took a deep breath and sighed. I did not know what to think of him still. My brother’s soul was literally in his hands now.
“Thank you, Sebastian, for speaking with me about this. I think I will rest easier tonight because of it.” It wasn’t a full lie, but still things plagued my mind from that night.
“Good night, my lady.” Sebastian bowed, still no emotion in his eyes.
“Sebastian?” I called before he took his leave outside my doors.
“Yes, my lady?” He turned, eyes boring into mine.
“Please, do not tell Ciel I know. The last thing I want is for him to fully push me away out of fear of my opinions.” Sebastian smiled and bowed.
“He will not hear it from me, my lady.” With that, Sebastian left for the night, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more.

Present Day
I got ready for work slowly, this evening, somehow dreading seeing Dr.Adrian again. I am such an embarrassment, I had no right to include him in my mellow drama. Still, I dream of my lost love from time to time, always waking up in tears knowing it wasn’t real. I wanted him back. I wanted to be happily married and on my way to having children of our own. He understood me. He completed me. Then in a flash, he was gone.
I pulled into the hospital parking lot, putting the memories that made the tears flow freely in the back of my mind. I had to get a life again. I moved there for a reason. A fresh start. I had to get with it before my grief dragged me down completely and I would wallow forever. I was so far into my mindless pep talk that I ran right into the back of a tall and lean gentlemen.
“I am so sorry.” I bowed in apology.
“No need, my lady.” His velvet voice had me look up at him in surprise. Long black hair that nearly went down to his shoulders and dark brown eyes with a hint of azure looked back to me. “Could you tell me where I might find the family doctors office?”
“Of course! Take the elevators to the third floor and it will be the first office on your left. Though, I believe they do not see patients this late, I am afraid.” I smiled politely.
“Of course, I will be sure to come back tomorrow. Thank you for your help then, Miss?”
“Gabrielle. You’re very welcome Mr?” I asked back with a sincere smile.
“Sebastian.”
“Nice to meet you, Sebastian. I apologize, but I must be off to work. Good night.” I waved to him and headed in. I wondered about the man for the first half of my shift. I wasn’t sure why, but he seemed terribly familiar.