On With The Show

5

"Nikki! Nikki! Hey, Nikki!"

Nikki groaned as he got up, propping himself up with his elbows. "Yeah, Tommy?" He says, cursing the kid in his mind. It was too damn early to wake up. For any reasonable person, anyway.

"Dude! I saw you had the stuff, so I used up whatever I needed to to make it! Man, I think they turned out good, too!"

"Tommy, can you please be a bit more vague? I understood what you were saying a bit too well."

"Oh! Right, dude. Uh - it might take a few more minutes. Back to sleep!" He said, placing both hands on Nikki's shoulders and pushing him back down onto the bed, pulling the blanket over his face. 

"C'mon, T-Bone, I'm already awake," Nikki groaned as he felt Tommy's hand on his face, covering his eyes.

Tommy giggled, "T-Bone? Okay, Sixxter," he said, "Just - two more minutes, yeah? Please? I've got a surprise that's getting ready. Don't worry, it doesn't blow up. Unless I messed up real bad. Uh - how about this, we keep talking so I don't have to wake you up again? Man, when you sleep, you sleep hard, like that's the last sleep in the world and you're gonna take it and use it as well as you can. It's gnarly, dude, really similar to everything else you do."

Nikki smiled to himself, secretly glad the blanket still covered the lower half of his face while Tommy's hands covered the upper half. "Do you want me to close my eyes and lie down, pretending to wake up when you get the 'surprise' here?" He asked, earning a nod so enthusiastic he could feel the air in the room moving. "Okay, then, I'll close my eyes, lie down, and pretend to sleep."

He heard Tommy humming as he pulled the blanket over himself again, taking in a deep breath as he finally felt himself become lucid enough to carry on with the day.

"Done!" Tommy said, pulling the blanket off Nikki. "Come on, dude! I think you'll like it."

Nikki got up, following Tommy to the small counter he had next to the fridge and stove and gasped.

"You made this?" He asked, looking at the french toast on it. Tommy grinned. "T-Bone! You didn't have to do this!"

"I wanted to - plus I saw the stuff and couldn't help myself. Anyway, I thought you could use a change from instant coffee for breakfast. Try it!"

Nikki took a bite - it was still warm. "This is easily the best thing I've eaten in weeks," He said, letting his hair fall onto his face to hide a grin. Before he knew it, he'd eaten both the slices Tommy made for him, causing the younger one to look at him with a joy Nikki never thought could be associated with him.

He smiled back - at this point, he couldn't really help himself.

Then Tommy did something even more unexpected.

Nikki felt his long, gangly arms wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He awkwardly placed one of his hands on Tommy's back, and rested his chin on Tommy's shoulder. Just as soon as it started, however, the hug was over, and Tommy let go to clear away the plates.

"See you when you get back from work, man," He said, after glancing at the clock. Nikki sighed, giving Tommy a half-smile before leaving.

*

"What the f.uck are you doing?!" Nikki said, his face paling as he got back home from work. Everything of his was on the floor, surrounding Tommy. His notebooks, pens, all the song lyrics he'd written on tissue paper, whenever inspiration struck.

Tommy basically had the gateway to his soul. The worst part? He didn't even know it – he was sitting there, tapping his fingers against his thigh, and humming the lyrics. Nikki felt exposed. Vulnerable. He was not ready for it, he didn't want this-

"You've mentioned Frankie here again, who is he?"

Nikki froze.

He knows. He knows. He knows. Heknowsheknowsheknowsheknows-

"Dude?"

Nikki was shaking. "Say one more thing and I will not be responsible for what happens here today, I swear on my life, kid."

"What the hell?"

Tommy couldn't finish. Nikki threw a bottle of Jack across the room, shattering it against a wall. "Some things are private, kid. Go back to school or wherever the f.uck you're from," Nikki said. "F.ucking say something! Don't just stare at me like an idiot –"

"Just tell me-"

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! You don't know shit - just get out before the situation gets worse. Learn the meaning of privacy, kid. I'd kept these in a drawer under the bed how the f.uck did you get them?" Nikki was shaking. He couldn't be weak. Not right now, with this guy who'd already looked through what he wrote. Pretty on the inside? This guy's the only one who'll know. He's seen my insides, they're laid out in front of him and he's smiling at them. Sadistic bastard. Bet he likes this.

"I just - I was cleaning the place, I did that yesterday too, and you looked so happy once you saw it clean, I wanted to do that again. I thought there were clothes under the bed, Nikki, and when I saw lyrics I just wanted to help with that - for our band, remember?" Tommy's face somehow fell even more as he talked - Nikki was not happy. He looked hurt, even. It broke Tommy's heart - he could never handle people being sad around him, but because of him? That made him feel awful. Worse than usual this time. Maybe kids from school were right when they said it, he always meant well, but he f.ucked up. He was a f.uck up. No doubt Nikki thought so too, now.

"Get out right now, Tommy. Get out. I need to be alone for a while, without you looking through the lyrics I wrote for myself."

"I'll leave. I'm sorry, Nikki Sixx," Tommy said, shaking a bit as he got up and walked out of the apartment. "I'm sorry, Nikki. I just wanted to help. I uh- I'll be on the roof of the building if you - never mind."

Nikki slammed the door shut behind Tommy, sinking to the floor as he heard his footsteps receding. It had been so long since he heard the name "Frankie" said by someone else. He could not bear that. He was not Frankie, never again. The name had brought him nothing but pain, for as long as he was Frankie. The only refuge he had was the lyrics he wrote, only for himself. And Tommy saw it.

Tommy. He felt a twinge of guilt – Tommy's positive demeanor, the way he tried to make Nikki happy despite knowing him for less than a few hours, everything about him, no matter how infuriating he thought it was initially. He couldn't leave Tommy outside. Nikki was still beyond furious that he'd read those lyrics, of course. That wasn't something he could forgive.

But Tommy was the first person in so long who cared. He was the first person to laugh with him, to even try to listen to him when he needed someone to listen. This was the first taste Nikki had ever gotten of it. He was not ready to let it go. Not yet, when it lasted little over a day. Selfish as it was, he wanted Tommy to come back. Now. Even though it was him that pushed Tommy away.

Just another man in my life you're going to push away.

He was doing to himself what Deana always accused him of doing to her - forcing away the people he started to care about.