Sanity

NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

Three years went by and life wasn't so great. High school had just start and my elementary school graduation was the last good thing that happened for the past year. I lost everything. My family was not as loving anymore, and the last time I recall them being nice to me was on my eleventh birthday. After Jack's betrayal, everything went downhill for me.

Jack was never nice anymore and neither was my aunt. Jack was always complaining things to my aunt about me, resulting in her punishing me, leaving me in a locked room. Our relationship wasn't nice anymore. Life didn't fill in with sunshine anymore. My aunt Sara, ordered me around as did Jack. Doing things that would bring my dignity down such as messaging Jack's feet. He would kick me off when he was done, same goes with Sara.

Everything was tiring now, I couldn't do anything with the right state of mind.

After doing the household chores, I sat by the window in the room that was no longer mine. Nobody was home so I had a chance to sit anywhere I wanted. Everything was peaceful, and that brought me back to my thoughts. What did I do that was so wrong that I deserve such treatment towards me? Dad was no longer here anymore but I knew he still loves me. He left a year ago. Sara and him had a big fight and he was not allowed to stay here anymore. That same night, we sat at the balcony staring at the stars together in silence, cherishing our last moments together. The next day he was gone. I was left with letter saying he will be back to get me one day.

Tears filled up my eyes thinking about the life I have now.

I was brought back to reality by the sound of the front door, I ran into the bathroom as fast as I could, pretending I was in there the whole time. I stayed in the washroom for what felt like a minute and decided to step out. I opened the door and Jack was standing in front of me. He'd grown way taller overr the past few years.

He stood over me with an a grin plastered on his face, I knew he did something again or he had a plan to do something. I walked past him and suddenly he fell to the floor and started screaming in pain.

Sara rushed to her son, pushing me aside to check on his leg. Jack told her that I had kicked his leg when he was heading over to the bathroom. Sara turned to me with anger written all over her face and I knew that something bad was gonna happen.

She started screaming at me, coming up to me and pulling me by my hair. She threw me into the room that she called the 'punishment room'.

"Do not come out till I tell you to and don't think you will be getting any food today" she said.

She walked towards the door and I saw Jack smiling at me. My aunt stopped in her tracks and told Jack to kick his ball onto my stomach. And he did it, without regrets. They looked at me with no empathy etched on their faces.

Days went on and I was still in the room. They would feed me food, but only their left overs. I simply ate it to survive. With the kind of medical condition I had, skipping meals were definitely not recommended.

I was nine when my grandfather was brought back home. My grandmother and him got divorced years ago but they still loved each other as friends. He had no where to go, so my aunt brought him back home. He was my favourite person whilst going through this. When my aunt first started the torture, he would try his best to get me out of it. I remember when I was punished one time, he brought food for me when my aunt and everybody else wasn't home. Both my grandparents were nice to me when my aunt wasn't around, especially my grandmother. She was very afraid of my Aunt Sara. I has no idea why. My grandfather always stood up for me until he got really sick and when he was in the hospital for months. I was yet again left all alone in this. I wanted it to stop, I wanted everything to just pause and rewind back to the time when everything was okay.

The door opened and Jack stood in front of me with a facial expression that I could not comprehend. He squatted down and looked me in the eye and stared for what it felt like an eternity. I started worrying about what he was going to do next. But all he did was to reach into his pocket and pulled out a Snickers bar that he knew was my favourite. I was confused but I took it anyway. He soon got up and walked away with the same face.

I had no idea what was going on. Was this his new game, was my aunt about to enter the room to abuse me again? Many questions raced inside my head and I panicked but nobody came. That night was spent in fear. Pure, undiluted fear that she was going to come into the room.

And so I sat on the corner of the bed and wondered, why wasn't I good enough?