Sanity

NO JUDGMENTS

There were so many stories about myself that i now don't know which was the most popular, but i knew which was the least popular, the truth. The truth is never the exciting side to stories,they tend to get twisted and it turns into the new truth that seems more appealing to others and that is the story they will believe.That is the kind of story they can have judgement towards the main subject and have some kind of assurance that they are not the bad ones,you see no one is as real as how it used to be. You have to be someone who the world wants you to be,and that is the kind of truth the world lives by. 

Paranoia, feeling on edge is one of the constant emotions high school does to you.You can never trust anyone around you, you never know when it could complicate your life. High school could be the most beautiful or the most toxic side of your life, Well in case you are wondering,my high school life was somewhere in the middle. In midst of the constant spread of rumors,there are at certain point, good things came around. Some good friends got me through high school,kept me strong while others  made me have the need to stop everything,stop life. today this story is about a special friend that made me think twice when i feel like giving up.

It's a story about Elsa, She was the new girl in school i was no longer the center of attention and i was the happiest person alive. She was two days in the new school and everybody seemed to talk about her but she hasn't spoken a word. She was clearly shy. i admired her,she was really pretty,she had this fair skin that made her have a certain glow on her face and she had the most beautiful eye lashes anyone would wish for. 

Coming to the third day of school ,I decided to start a conversation with her just so she could be less nervous about school and i needed to have some kind of conversation with someone at school without being judged nor getting disgusted remarks. I love the group of friends that i have when i met zack but at times they could be a little...pushy/ i could say.I was nervous too but i took a deep breath and walked up to her table,turns out she was talking to someone already but i didn't let that get in the way of having the chance to make a new friend. 

I waited for her to finish her conversation with my classmate and finally walked up to her with hopes that she wasn't told about me. when i reached her desk the first thing i notice was her arm,it matched mine. she had a battle scars,just like me. Just like me,she fought a war. i looked into her eyes and it told so many stories,stories that no normal people will relate to. she is strong,i know it. She was already looking at me,confused. Maybe because i was standing in front of her in silence looking at her scars. wow ela what a great start,you freaked her out already,i thought to myself. 

"Hey" i did not know what to say other than the usual conversation starter. she smiled knowing i was nervous and she returned the greetings. She didn't hear anything. i was glad,i had a chance to start a new friendship. "it's lunch next period,you want to join me?, I'll be seating with some other friends too but don't worry they will welcome you just how they did when i was new " i was still sitting with the group of friends zack introduced me to. Zack and i still sat at the same table but we never spoke to each other. After that day we had a conversation about how things were going and we came to a conclusion that we were better off as acquaintance. If a situation came by and we had to talk we will but we never started a conversation with each other out of  our own will. the group never knew what happened  but  they didn't ask either.

 It was break time and i brought elsa to the table me and the group always sited at. i introduced her to the group and they welcomed her just like how they did to me when i first met them. All of us started talking as per usual till the next bell rings,we proceeded to class and i walked beside elsa,"hey,how do you find the group so far,did they treat you good, hope they did not bombard you with question did they? i asked her with concern as i did not want her to feel overwhelmed by the amount of people in our group and i know them well,they will start asking questions she might not be able to answer as they are very curious people when it comes to newcomers. "They are really great,they did not pressure me into answering any questions although they did ask me a few questions." she smiled. i was glad they did not scare her away. Having a friend like her meant a lot to me as i had a feeling she knew what it feels like to be living the life that can be cruel sometimes. i knew she had been through a lot. She noticed me looking at her scars and looked down in shame,without any hesitation i rolled up my jacket sleeve and showed her my arm. she looked shock at first but the look of relief was clear on her face. "you know i heard some things about you,our classmates warn me to stay away  from you,i have no idea why they told me to,now that i see you are the same as me." those words made my day,she did not run away from me. I was not proud of my scars as one should never turn to the need of harming yourselves but i was proud of who i am despite turning to things that could be really unhealthy in the long run. i am proud that i have at least made this far despite all the ways i had to do to get out of the situations. it has been going on for three years now but it is slowly made me barely feeling anything but at times i bet triggered  by everything that is happening and that will bring me to a very dark place. Seeing elsa arm made me think back to everything i went through for the past few years.All the problems i have with my family and school,i thought about how elsa went through all those issues she must have. i was curious,what happened that made her turn to self harm and what made her appeal for a transfer. she was so pretty why would anyone made her suffer like that. it made me want to ask elsa but  i figured it was too soon to get into the depths of her life,it was too personal.