Sanity

HELLHOLE

As the years goes the torture simmered down a little after that night when Jack came in the room. He was nice to me at times but most of the time he wasn't. I cherished the moments when we had a good time. the moments remained in my memory. I was 15 turning 16 that year. My grandfather's condition got worse and we all knew that he was on his last days. My grandmother and i visited him everyday. i dropped out of school, if you haven't guessed it right, yes today will be the story of what happened in high school,its a story when i was thirteen. 

January 1st 2014, the day i entered high school. i was quite nervous but at the same time excited as some of my friends in the elementary school was there. I reached school and the weight on my chest vanished when i saw one of my school mates, she saw me and her face brightened up instantly. i walked up to her and we started talking till we had to go to the school hall for assembly. We then met our new classmates and there was this one specific person that caught my eye. His dark brown eye, his fair skin and how he was laughing at what his friends were saying and the both of us made eye contact and he smiled. i did the same.

We made our first conversation in the class when the teacher was marking attendance.

He asked what was my name and i told. i asked his. Jerry, Jerry was his name. i looked at him and knew i was in for a ride. i just didn't know what kind I was  in for. And when i found out, i didn't want anymore of it. 

As days goes by. i started to have feelings for him. He had no idea. i started being his best friend just to be close to him. I would stay back at school just to watch him play rugby. he was really good at it. 

This went on for about three months. i made a lot of good friends and he was really nice to me making me like him more. 

Then we had our holiday and when it was over, i went back to school with excitement to see him again. i made it to class and the first person i saw was him. he was always with a group of boys. They all played rugby together. 

Then i realized my surroundings and everybody was staring at me and whispers were heard and giggles directed at me. i was confused but didn't care much. I went back to looking at him but he was already staring at me. with a look i couldn't understand. I went up to him but he immediately stood up and walked away with a face of disgust. I immediately felt a certain pain in my heart. it was like as if someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I had no idea what was going on. one of my classmates approached me and said why would i do something so cheap and again i was so lost and i did  not understand what she was saying. They were looking at their phone and looking up at me with a face of disgust. Was there something on it. I went on the class Instagram and that was when i found out what was happening. when i was twelve i was on social media a lot and i was talking to a certain guy that i liked and he was older. i did not know what was i doing at that point of time and he asked for some pictures of me, one that wasn't with any clothes involved and i without any questions asked wanting to impress him, I did it. He promised he will never share it with anyone and i believed him. Looking at the picture today broke me heart but why me? what did i do. I avoided eye contact with everybody at school. when it was over i texted the same person who posted that picture of me.

I met him at a void deck beside the school and he knew exactly why 

I started to ask him and the conversation turned into an argument so fast and i found myself walking back home in tears. i did not know what to do to fix this or explain myself. Not having friends wasn't a big issue but what i cared the most was about how everybody thought of me. 

The next day at school was really tough.everybody looked at me in disgust and there was no longer happiness and i lost every interest in anything that has got to do with school.

It was continuous bullying. The rumors kept adding up and one day i came back from physical education and took my skirt to change and found it torn, everybody laughed at me and one even said that is what i deserved for being so cheap. 

the constant words was always said tome that i started to believe what they said and got disgusted of myself. 

Jerry, was also the main reason nobody would come to me. Anybody that mixed with me and tried to understand me was told things about me that i up till now did not know about. And so i would skip many days of school just to run away from everything. My aunt will send me to school and i waited for her car to be out of sight and i walked out of school and went to the reservoir right opposite my school and sit on the grass patch and watch the water shining due to the sunlight and i would sit there thinking about everything till it was time for me to go back home. 

I continued doing this till i was 14  turning 15 that year. i decided to go back school,gave it another try but to avail,everything was the same it got even worse, but i had to go to school no matter what. Everything was making me give up,that is till i met HIM

I thought he was the most amazing person on earth,the kindest. 

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