Because of a Cowboy

Can I Really Do This?

It was a crazy hot July day when Toby picked me up so we could go to our first parenting class. We had only nine weeks left to go, and other than my internet research, I kinda had no idea how to do this whole parenting thing.

I texted Holden on the car ride while Little Toby did acrobatics in my womb, which he thought was his personal little gym. I felt either a hand or a foot go straight into my rib cage.

"Hey, settle down, little guy! That hurts!" I said.

"He kicking you again?"

"Like he's doing karate!" I said.

The two of us had a laugh and talked the whole way to the rec center. We pulled in the parking lot and walked in, where Holden met us in the lobby.

I think it was the first time I'd seen him fully-clothed. There were no words said between him and Toby when we walked into the classroom.

I tried to hide my embarrassment from all the staring. It wasn't every day you see a pregnant teen in our small town, let alone one who was showing up to a parenting class with two different guys. Holden and Toby were doing great at giving death glares to everyone looking our way. 

The instructors came in and introduced herself, then passed out baby dolls to everyone in the room—to everyone. Me, Toby, and Holden all awkwardly looked at our naked dolls dolls. After the dolls were passed out, they gave us each a diaper, bottle, and blanket.

"Hey, Holden," I said to him. He looked over at me. "I'm happy that you're stepping up and doing things like this, even though you won't be seeing him every day."

"It's still my kid. Gotta learn sometime," he said. "Also, you know I dropped out of boarding school, right? I'm going to do my junior and senior year at Rolling Fields High in town, so I can be close."

"I figured you would tell me that. I hope you know how much I appreciate you stepping up," I said.

The first activity was learning how to hold a baby. We practiced on the dolls, supporting the head because baby's necks were extremely fragile. I'd never even held a baby before, so I had no idea they could hurt their necks if you didn't hold them right.

Next was diaper changing. We practiced putting the diapers on and off, and the parents who were having boys like us were given a little extra attention and tips for special techniques.

Since Little Toby was a boy, if we weren't careful during diaper changes, we could end up with pee shooting all over us.

After diaper practice we moved on to swaddling. Holden was the first one to get it. He proudly held up his doll.

"Faster than you, ice-cream boy," he said to Toby.

"It's open on the bottom. It's feet would untangle the whole thing, cowboy," Toby said.

Holden quickly put the doll down and restarted. I watched as Toby did it, carefully and slowly. Then, I tried on my own doll. After like three times, I was ready to give up and one of the instructors came around to check on us.

"Wow, very good!" she said to Toby. "Yours looks good too," she said to Holden. She gave me a kind of puppy dog face and asked, "Having some trouble?" I nodded. "It's okay. Let me give you a hand."

Toby placed his hand on my back and rubbed it in small circles. He could tell that I was about to start falling apart. The instructor let me try again, and I finally got it right after three more tires.

"Remember, this will be a little extra hard because the baby will be wiggling this whole time," the instructor said.

"Okay everyone, great work this week! It's about time to wrap up!" said the first instructor. "Next week we'll be going over the basics of bottle feeding, giving medication, and safe sleep. See you then!"

I left my doll on the table and tried to discreetly leave the room. I found myself crying on a bench in the lobby. Toby was next to me in a matter of seconds.

"Willa! What's wrong?" he asked.

"I...I don't think I can do this," I said, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "I think it's just hitting me how much work this is actually going to be. I think all the time about dressing Little Toby up in his cute outfits, taking him around the ranch in that carrier I bought him...but late nights and diaper changes and trying to wrap him up while his wriggling...like, how am I going to do it?"

He gave me a kiss on the forehead. "With a lot of help." I smiled. "Remember, you have me, when I'm not at the stand. You have Holden to take him some nights, and a whole family of people who want to be in his life."

Holden walked out as Toby embraced me in a hug. He kept his distance. 

"I know this is gonna be hard. Like, really, super, crazy hard." Toby said, putting his hand on my belly as Little Toby gave us a big kick. "But it will all be worth it."